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1 [1][https] 2 3 [2]Culture Study 4 5 SubscribeSign in 6 7 Share this post 8 9 [8] 10 [https] 11 Culture Study 12 Culture Study 13 The Social Media Sea Change 14 Copy link 15 Facebook 16 Email 17 Notes 18 More 19 [9]Essays 20 21 The Social Media Sea Change 22 23 What happens when the thing that structured so much of our lives loses its 24 utility? 25 26 [10]Anne Helen Petersen 27 Jan 19, 2025 28 ∙ Paid 29 1,025 30 31 Share this post 32 33 [12] 34 [https] 35 Culture Study 36 Culture Study 37 The Social Media Sea Change 38 Copy link 39 Facebook 40 Email 41 Notes 42 More 43 [13] 44 210 45 180 46 [14] 47 Share 48 49 If you missed it from earlier this week: [15]I’ve put together a bunch of ways 50 you can help those in LA *right now.* 51 52 We’re also doing another round of “Ask A Divorced Person” — where people with 53 questions for divorced people submit their questions, and a group of divorced 54 people (who’ve gone through different types of divorces) answer them. You can 55 get the general idea [16]here. 56 57 If you have a question for a divorced person, you can submit it [17]here. If 58 you’d like to answer questions as a divorced person, you can volunteer [18]here 59 . (Link is now fixed, it takes you to the right form!) 60 61 And if you open this newsletter all the time, if you forward to your friends 62 and co-workers, if it challenges you to think in new and different ways — [19] 63 consider subscribing. 64 65 [20]Upgrade Your Subscription 66 67 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 68 69 You get access to the weekly Things I Read and Loved at the end of the Sunday 70 newsletter, the massive links/recs posts, the ability to comment, and the 71 knowledge that you’re paying for the stuff that adds value to your life. Plus, 72 there’s the addictive & useful threads: like Friday’s on [21]The Most Beautiful 73 Swim You’ve Ever Taken, and this month’s “[22]What Are You Reading” (1100+ 74 comments and suggestions!) 75 76 [23] 77 [https] 78 Abandoned Concrete Barges from World War II in the River Thames (Aerial Essex / 79 Getty) 80 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 81 82 The day before Christmas Eve, I deleted Instagram and my email from my phone. 83 Facebook hasn’t been there for years, and Twitter has been gone for nearly two. 84 For reasons that mystify me — maybe because I hid it on the third page — I only 85 feel like getting on TikTok once or twice a month, and then I watch it like 86 it’s a long movie and then leave it be. My phone was reduced to a texting 87 device with a smattering of essential apps: the camera, of course, but also the 88 weather, maps, browsing. I didn’t make it totally un-useful. I just 89 significantly reduced its potential to fill my time. 90 91 It was easy to ignore during the bustle of the holidays. It was usually just in 92 the mornings, when I first woke up, that I realized just how much time I’d 93 devoted to scrolling. There I was, looking at the weather or the snow report 94 for the third time, checking our local NextDoor and feeling dismayed that no 95 one had published a new sunset photo. At night, I’d look at my phone, realize 96 it had nothing to offer me, and throw it onto the bedside table like a cranky 97 toddler bored with a toy. I read and slept in abundance. 98 99 It’s not that I didn’t read email, or utterly ignored Instagram — I could still 100 take a look on my computer browser. It’s that I looked at them far fewer times. 101 It felt like 2006 in the very best of ways: I could still communicate with 102 others and periodically see pictures from their lives. It’s just that that 103 communication didn’t serve as the score and meter of my life. 104 105 I told myself I’d put both Instagram and email back on my phone at the end of 106 the in-between weeks. Days kept passing, and I kept not doing it. One day I had 107 to make a return in town that required a QR code; I forwarded the email to my 108 mom and had her show her phone. (I also could’ve just….printed it out). 109 110 I read the news of the Los Angeles fires on news sites and in newsletters 111 instead of being barraged by it on Instagram. I open my email on my computer 112 and sort through the accumulation in a massive chunk — like my PO Box, when I 113 haven’t gone for a few days — instead of bit by distracting bit. I find myself 114 diverting my scroll energy to Facebook, where I still have an account to access 115 dahlia groups, but it feels even more gross than before: a wasteland of AI 116 accounts promising blue dahlias and weight loss reels and suggestions to 117 friends of friends who haven’t updated their Facebook accounts in nearly a 118 decade. It’s like a frat house basement at 10 am. Why the fuck am I here. 119 120 [24] 121 [https] 122 HOW, FOR EXAMPLE, DID THIS GET IN MY FEED 123 124 I’ve spent more time than ever before on Substack Notes, but not posting, or 125 even responding to other people’s notes. The algorithm seems to have learned 126 that I like to read newsletters, not posts, and is serving me those links, not 127 others’ endless discussion of what they don’t like about Notes (namely: it’s 128 like everywhere else that they also don’t like). 129 130 I’m not quitting Instagram. I may or may not add email to my phone; maybe I’ll 131 just do it when I’m traveling, and it becomes my de facto computer. I’m not 132 trying to convince you to do what I’ve done, and I’m not suggesting I’m a 133 superior or more disciplined person for doing any of this. All I’m saying is: I 134 think I’ve turned the corner. And I think a lot of you have — or are about to 135 — too. 136 137 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 138 139 You know how, when people get sober, or fall in love with running, or have a 140 breakthrough in therapy — they can’t stop proselytizing about it? “Proselytize” 141 feels like the right word here, because they really are preaching the good news 142 of a new religion: a way of understanding and occupying the world. To them, it 143 feels so right — and so unbelievable, that it took them this long to find it 144 — that they want others to figure it out now, in less time than they did. 145 146 But proselytizing doesn’t work, at least not how people think it does, and 147 rarely in lasting ways. People make major decisions in their lives only when 148 they’re ready, and they rarely reach a point of “ready” by people preaching at 149 them. Instead, they slowly absorb examples, arguments, and desires for their 150 own lives, and arrive at a place where they’re malleable to change. 151 152 After years of people yelling at me in books, think pieces, and tweets (lol) to 153 “break up with my phone,” “delete your social media accounts,” and “fuck Mark 154 Zuckerberg,” turns out the thing that I needed was a whole conglomeration of 155 quiet arguments and technological shifts that made my phone and the social 156 media accounts on it feel less precious. Put differently, I haven’t come to 157 value it less; instead, it’s become less valuable. 158 159 This sounds spectacularly self-centered: that you can only quit a thing, or 160 modify your usage of it, when it fails to serve you. But if we think of our 161 phones and social media as addictive products, which they certainly are, then 162 the classic addiction model makes sense: you only consider quitting when the 163 negative impacts (the dead feeling of the soft-brain scroll, the loss of 164 attention span, the weight of comparison, the exposure to trolls, the lack of 165 control over the algorithm) outweigh the positive benefits (the distraction, 166 the serotonin hit, the semblance of connection, the loose ties, the business 167 benefits). 168 169 My sense is that a lot of you are at a similar point. The amount of space these 170 technologies take up in our lives — and their ever-diminishing utility — has 171 brought us to a sort of cultural tipping point. I’ve sensed it over the last 172 year, when my social feeds seemed to finish their years-long transformation 173 from a neighborhood populated with friends to a glossy condo development of 174 brands. I could feel it in the responses to my piece, last month, to [25] 175 Posting Less, but also in a slew of pieces from other writers, all tracing 176 different pathways to the same conclusion: this isn’t working anymore. What if 177 we stopped trying to make it? 178 179 At this point, we’ve had social media around for long enough — and people have 180 been experimenting with decreasing or eliminating it for various lengths of 181 time — that there’s a pretty rich collection of writing on the topic. I thought 182 it might be useful to show you a few recent examples that have set up residency 183 in my brain: 184 185 1.) “[26]You Might Just Have To Be Bored.” 186 187 Kate Lindsay [28]points out a foundational problem with decreasing phone/app 188 use: we’ve forgotten how to be bored. This has felt true to me for some time, 189 but I appreciated the point that trying to re-acquaint yourself with boredom 190 cold turkey can be a disaster that leads to even greater dependence. 191 192 Lindsay has gradually decreased how she uses her phone and social apps, and in 193 so doing, the feeling of necessity also decreased. For me, all of this felt 194 impossible until Twitter lost its utility for me — slowly at first, and then I 195 realized I just didn’t want to hang out there. At first, I felt its absence, 196 but then I began leveraging other modes of communication to keep in touch — or 197 just kept in touch less (and spent more time doing things that were nourishing 198 in ways that had nothing to do with being online). 199 200 And then there’s the fact that boredom is far more than, I dunno, staring out 201 the window on a long car ride when you were eight years old. “Boredom,” Lindsay 202 argues, “is when life happens”: 203 204 Boredom is when you do the dishes, run the errand you’ve been putting off, 205 respond to the text you’ve left on read. Boredom is when you bring a book 206 to read on the subway or make small talk with the person in front of you in 207 line about how slow the pharmacy is. Boredom is when you do the things that 208 make you feel like you have life under control. Not being bored is why you 209 always feel busy, why you keep “not having time” to take a package to the 210 post office or work on your novel. You do have time—you just spend it on 211 your phone. By refusing to ever let your brain rest, you are choosing to 212 watch other people’s lives through a screen at the expense of your own. 213 214 She fucking nails it, doesn’t she. How obvious, how painful, how hilarious, 215 that two things that most of us feel most stifled by — our lack of time, and 216 our phones — are deeply fucking related. 217 218 2.) “[29]Not having a smartphone is entirely practical. You [30]do not need it 219 [31]. This machine barely [32]does[33] anything at all.” 220 221 [35]This argument, from Sam Kriss, is not for people who use their phones as 222 their sole computing device. It’s for people who use phones as one of many 223 devices to communicate and navigate the internet. Kriss concedes that the GPS/ 224 mapping function of the phone is quite useful — but apart from that, our phones 225 really aren’t doing much that our computers don’t do, they’re just portable and 226 thus available to disrupt any potential boredom. 227 228 This point comes about halfway through Kriss’s piece, which is about giving up 229 his phone for 40 days, and I appreciate how he resists the narrative that 230 giving up your phone will change your life — you still have the internet, after 231 all, you just have slightly less access to it, and that slight change in access 232 can be meaningful, or at least clarifying. 233 234 I’m not interested in getting rid of my phone, I’m just interested in being 235 less bound to it. My experience without email on my phone for the last three 236 weeks has also underlined just how stupid my previous arguments were about its 237 necessity. Nearly everything can wait until I can access my computer. QR codes 238 can be printed or screenshotted and texted to yourself — or you can (pretty 239 easily!) download the email app for an afternoon and delete it afterward. If 240 you’re holding tightly to this argument, it’s useful to think about why. 241 242 A chaser: “Not using a phone taught me what a phone is really for. It’s not for 243 communicating with other people, getting directions, reading articles, looking 244 at pictures, shopping for products, or playing games. A phone is a device for 245 muting the anxieties proper to being alive.” 246 247 3.) App Time is Time, App Energy is Energy 248 249 I entered the New Year with so many ideas for this newsletter: bizarre, thorny, 250 wonderful, generative. I felt excited about digging into the big heart of the 251 book. I could attribute some of that creative energy to working less over 252 break, but I’m not that person who comes back from vacation bursting to work. I 253 have more newsletter energy — and more time to execute it — because I’m not 254 spraying that energy all over social media. 255 256 Here’s how Julia Fontes [37]puts it in her post reflecting on the end of her 257 year of “smart phone celibacy”: 258 259 “This post isn’t going to conclude with me quitting all the sites. I do 260 think that the way that they have sucked my attention away from the writing 261 and made my newsletter worse is proof enough that I don’t want to continue 262 to use them in the ways the marketing gurus recommend…..What I know for 263 sure is that one year with the dumb phone culminated in the publication of 264 my first book, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I know that 265 moderation of anything that stimulates the dopaminergic response is nearly 266 impossible for me. I am done beating myself up or putting in any kind of 267 moral judgment about what I should or should not be able to control.” 268 269 I want to spend less time promoting on social media — or just scrolling, let’s 270 be honest, because that’s how I usually spend time when there to “promote” 271 — and more time making stuff that’s promotable, that I’m proud of, that makes 272 this entire enterprise thrive. 273 274 4.) Not Posting as Privacy 275 276 And privacy as valuable. Our lives don’t have to become others’ cheap food for 277 consumption. This one bonked me right on the head: 278 279 Here’s Hannah Power, [39]on leaving Instagram: 280 281 “….the weird things that have happened as a direct consequence have been, 282 well, weird. for instance, I haven’t missed it once. not once! I thought I 283 would. I thought I would miss sharing my curated life, my walks through the 284 streets of Lisbon, my pics screaming I am on holiday, but I haven’t. 285 another weird thing that has come from my absence is loving my absence. I 286 didn’t realise that my privacy was luxurious and I was just giving it away 287 for free to people and Mark Zuckerberg. I didn’t realise privacy was a 288 gift, a privilege even. I didn’t realise how cool it was to be somewhere 289 and only you and the person you’re with know it. it was weird that I didn’t 290 know this, or had forgotten this - like I was under a spell. 291 292 It reminds me of something Freya Moon [40]wrote about the Gen-Z belief that 293 posting is what makes something “real” — a boyfriend, a vacation, a meal. We 294 have mistaken others’ recognition of a thing for actual experiencing the thing. 295 At first, when I left Instagram, I thought (embarrassingly): but how will 296 people know I’m going skiing, or see all this cozy puzzling, or know that I do 297 indeed have friends and I hung out with them on New Year’s Eve? 298 299 “People” may not know, but I do. 300 301 5.) It’s Worth Hanging Out in the FOMO 302 303 Over the last fifteen years I’ve watched incredibly talented writers who had 304 ignored social media with good reason (they liked writing more than posting, 305 imagine) get pulled into starting a Twitter, an Instagram, a Facebook page, 306 whatever, because a marketing person at their publisher or an agent or someone 307 they know in the industry convinced them that a social media presence is 308 essential to a successful book launch. I understand where this wisdom is coming 309 from, but I don’t buy it. A brand-new social media profile sells nothing. A 310 Substack with a handful of posts and a listing of upcoming readings does the 311 same thing as sending a big email to your contacts. 312 313 I’m not fool enough to believe that a good book will sell just because it’s 314 good. But a book sells through connections, and connections — the sort that 315 make someone say yes of course let’s do a Q&A for your book! — are not 316 primarily forged or maintained on social media. We take a look at our past and 317 think of a friend that we made on Twitter or in a Facebook Group and think this 318 is why I can’t leave! But those platforms don’t do the same thing they used to. 319 My Instagram account doesn’t sell books. My newsletter — different story. 320 321 Plus: what connections are you also missing by allocating so much of your 322 creative time to social media? What happens when we consider those losses? 323 324 I like what comedian Cynthia Girardian [42]wrote about the decision to delete 325 her Instagram account: 326 327 “….If I started on Instagram at 20 and I am now at the ripe age of 33, that 328 means my whole adult life so far, I’ve spent it developing some sort of 329 addiction to likes and external validation. And this means I will probably 330 suffer from withdrawal syndrome from time to time: sometimes, since being 331 off Instagram, I feel disconnected, isolated and lonely….Nothing seems to 332 keep me as connected and as chronically online as Instagram and my 12.6K 333 followers did, and so the questions remain: 334 335 👽 Am I sabotaging my opportunities? 336 337 👽 Are my friends and acquaintances going to forget about me? 338 339 👽 Am I becoming the weird friend? 340 341 👽 How am I going to establish contact or keep in touch with people / brands 342 / potential work gigs from now on? 343 344 👽 How am I going to share with the world the things I do? 345 346 Not to make this my entire personality from now on, but to my own surprise, 347 I want to offer some resistance and explore these uncomfortable feelings 348 for a while. I am low-key excited, and I am certain that with time and 349 space, all these questions will answer themselves.” 350 351 In other words: what happens when we reintroduce the friction that social media 352 smoothed? What’s worthwhile about re-learning some of the connective skills 353 we’ve lost? 354 355 This past Tuesday, I was reading the “What Are You Reading” thread and realized 356 I’d missed [43]the big investigative piece about Neil Gaiman being an absolute 357 creeper, which came out the day before. At first, I felt out of touch — and 358 then I realized 1) I could go read it right then, and it would still have the 359 same import; and 2) I could and should be more active about just visiting the 360 websites of the publications I value and love, something I used to do every 361 single time I opened up the computer. There are so many other ways to use the 362 internet — some of them from our very recent past. 363 364 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 365 366 Many of you have resisted social media altogether. Others have always had a 367 distant or measured relationship with it — or left when these companies proved, 368 again and again, that they made you (and others) into a person you didn’t 369 particularly like, or that the technology itself was so readily manipulated to 370 serve our worst impulses. But a lot of us are sitting here with lives, both 371 personal and professional, intertwined with these apps. We’ve sunk so much time 372 into them; they hold not insignificant chunks of our recent past. We’ve 373 negotiated misgivings and ambivalence; we’ve crafted complex and simple 374 justifications to stay. 375 376 So what is it about this moment that makes leaving — or significantly 377 moderating — feel possible? The platforms feel toxic, but they’ve felt toxic 378 for a while. They’re more toxic and they’re degrading, overridden by brands and 379 AI. Their utility for connection (the thing that brought us there in the first 380 place!) has deteriorated to the point of uselessness. The cultural norms of 381 2005 to 2025 were produced and refined via social media, but the homes we built 382 there — the understandings of self — feel unwelcoming and alien. 383 384 The world, filtered through the apps, is not the world we want for ourselves. 385 And in many cases, it’s not the actual world we inhabit. 386 387 In a recent piece for the New York Times, Ezra Klein [44]argued that this 388 feeling of discombobulation can be traced to “the unsteady, unpredictable 389 emergence of a different world.” He’s talking about Trump, of course, and the 390 anti-democracy politics he aims to ram through — but also AI’s maturing power 391 and a rapidly warming planet that offers peepholes into an unspeakably hostile 392 future every month. He concludes the piece with a quote from Antonio Gramsci: 393 “The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: Now is the 394 time of monsters.” 395 396 Climate monsters, cultural monsters, political monsters. You can’t fight them 397 by consuming news, or quote-tweet dunking, or sharing a graphic. You can fight 398 them through connection. Social apps might be the “easiest” place for that to 399 happen — and by that, I mean it might the place with the least immediate 400 friction — but that does not make them the place for them to gain and exercise 401 power. If this is indeed a new world, we need new tactics, new tools, and new 402 energy. None of which are hiding on Instagram. 403 404 I’ve spent the last year oscillating between anger and disenchantment, hope and 405 disillusionment. I want to break everything but also mend it. At times I want 406 to hibernate, to turn inward, to fortify what’s mine — but also understand how 407 vulnerable that will make me to all the challenges to come. How do we relearn 408 how to talk to one another? To live with each other? To think and act with 409 creativity and intention? How do we lead the lives we actually want to live, 410 marked by care and passion? 411 412 Dude, I’m working on it! A lot of us are. If someone has an easy answer for 413 you, they have some sort of privilege that’s allowed them to shield themselves 414 from the complications of the modern world. What I do know is this: I have a 415 lot more time to think about these questions, to access empathy and so many 416 other emotions, to experience the textures of each and every day, since I 417 started spending less time on the sites where I’m supposed to document them. 418 419 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 420 421 For our discussion today, I don’t want to talk about the reasons why you have 422 to stay — you don’t need to make the case. Everyone’s dealing with their own 423 situation in the way that feels right to them. There is still very real utility 424 in many corners of social media and moving a community off Facebook is not 425 simple. 426 427 Instead: how are you *feeling* about your current use? What would you like to 428 change? Which argument to stay now feels flimsy *to you*? And do you also feel 429 like we’re reaching a pivot point, or am I just high off all my new free time? 430 431 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 432 433 Also: as a way of connecting on smaller issues — and sharing pieces I’d usually 434 share on Instagram or a previous iteration of Twitter — I’ve been playing 435 around with Substack Chat. Feel free to totally ignore it, or dip in when you 436 feel like it, whatever feels interesting and generative. It’s very low-key, but 437 the same guidelines apply there as any other Culture Study comments section. 438 You can find all chats [45]here. 439 440 [46] 441 [https] 442 Join Anne Helen Petersen’s subscriber chat 443 Available in the Substack app and on web 444 Join chat 445 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 446 447 This Week’s Things I Read and Loved (it’s particularly good this week, gotta 448 say; gift links whenever possible!) 449 450 This post is for paid subscribers 451 452 [49] 453 Subscribe 454 [51]Already a paid subscriber? Sign in 455 PreviousNext 456 © 2025 Anne Helen Petersen 457 [54]Privacy ∙ [55]Terms ∙ [56]Collection notice 458 [57] Start Writing[58]Get the app 459 [59]Substack is the home for great culture 460 461 Share 462 463 Copy link 464 Facebook 465 Email 466 Notes 467 More 468 This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. 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