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      3 By John Gruber
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     18 
     19 How It Went
     20 
     21 Friday, 8 November 2024
     22 
     23 My mom died at the end of June this year.
     24 
     25 I know, and I’m sorry — that’s a hell of a way to open a piece ostensibly about
     26 a depressing, worrisome, frightening election result. But here’s the thing I
     27 want to emphasize right up front: my mom’s death was OK. It really was. She was
     28 78, which isn’t that old, but her health had not been great. She was
     29 hospitalized for several days in May, just a month prior, after she had
     30 collapsed at home, too weak to stand, and for days it wasn’t clear what was
     31 wrong. Then some more test results came back and we had the answer. She had
     32 ovarian cancer, bad. It had already metastasized. The prognosis was grim:
     33 months to live, at best. And those months, toward the end, would inexorably
     34 grow ever more painful and profoundly sad.
     35 
     36 Her mental acuity had begun to slip in recent years, too. Not a lot, but if you
     37 knew her you’d notice. But she faced this prognosis with remarkable dignity,
     38 courage, and clarity. She knew the score. It was what it was, and she’d make
     39 the best of the time she had left. She was tired but still felt pretty good
     40 most days. There were flashes of her younger self, the Mom I remember growing
     41 up with. It was wonderful to see those flashes. The bad times were coming, but
     42 they laid ahead. On the last Monday night in June she and my dad went out to
     43 eat at their favorite restaurant. They had a good meal and a good time. It was
     44 a great day. Tuesday morning she played Wordle and reported her score to our
     45 family group chat. Then around noon, she just fell over, dead. My dad found her
     46 unresponsive, called 911, and they arrived in minutes, but she was gone. No
     47 suffering. The whole dreadful grind of battling cancer never came. It’s such a
     48 cliché but clichés are often true: given what she faced, it was a blessing she
     49 died how and when she did. She never wanted to suffer and she didn’t. I loved
     50 her and I miss her.
     51 
     52 Like I said, it was all OK, in the end — the way and how and when my mom died.
     53 
     54 But my dad. My dad is 86, in exceptional good health, and he remains sharp.
     55 Until recently he not only played golf but walked the course, carrying his own
     56 clubs. He stopped playing golf last year, because — and I realized this only
     57 after my mom was hospitalized in May — he’d more and more been shouldering all
     58 of the responsibilities of daily life for the both of them. Even just nine
     59 holes of golf takes a few hours, and he didn’t want to leave her alone for that
     60 long a stretch of time, so he stopped playing. He still walks a mile or more a
     61 day, weather permitting. They were married 52 years and spent only a handful of
     62 nights apart in that entire span. They were in some ways an opposites-attract
     63 couple, but they were inseparable. They were good together. After accepting her
     64 cancer diagnosis, my mom was ready, I think, even for something as sudden as
     65 what happened to her at the end. My dad was not.
     66 
     67 But he’s an optimist at heart. You’d like him. I, of course, don’t know who you
     68 are, dear reader, but I know you’d like my dad, Bob Gruber, because everyone
     69 likes Bob Gruber. He can tell a good joke and he loves to tell them. There’s a
     70 quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln, that I was reminded of, just the other
     71 day, from of all things [12]a garbage can: “I don’t like that man. I must get
     72 to know him better.” I don’t share Lincoln’s
     73 there’s-something-to-like-about-everyone optimism about our fellow men, but my
     74 dad does.
     75 
     76 He’s been doing good, I think, these months since her passing. I talk to him
     77 almost every day. He’s naturally outgoing and still goes out. He’s got
     78 friends — which fact alone can be rare for an 86-year-old — and he sees them
     79 regularly. He attends mass frequently and takes tremendous solace in his faith.
     80 He misses my mom, his wife, desperately, but he puts on a good face. He gets
     81 sad and he admits he gets sad. But the very last thing he wants is for anyone,
     82 especially me or my sister, to worry about or even feel sorry for him. I’m like
     83 that. I get it. You often hear about old men who just shut down and fade away,
     84 rather quickly, after their wives die. My dad’s not shutting down.
     85 
     86 I thought of my dad this week when I watched [13]Harrison Ford’s gravelly
     87 endorsement of Kamala Harris, which he began thus: “Look, I’ve been voting for
     88 64 years. Never really wanted to talk about it very much.” My dad’s politics
     89 are like that. His religion is too. Strong beliefs that he doesn’t feel the
     90 need to broadcast or proselytize — and deep suspicion, bordering on contempt,
     91 regarding those who do. My dad is old and white and lives in a suburb in a red
     92 Pennsylvania county, but he is a lifelong Democrat. He can’t abide Fox News and
     93 never understood his age-group peers who succumbed to Rush Limbaugh’s daily
     94 siren call. His entire life he’s seen the Democrats as the party of and for the
     95 people. The party for working men and women. The party of equality and justice
     96 and minding your own goddamn business what people do in their private lives. He
     97 votes every election, even the odd years, when the only office on the ballot
     98 might be the borough tax collector or members of the school board. He rightly
     99 sees voting as a citizen’s civic duty. My dad is the most honest and
    100 trustworthy person I’ve ever known, or even imagined. If they ever somehow met,
    101 my dad and Joe Biden would become fast friends. They share a worldview, and
    102 grew up at the same time, in similar places, from similar means. They even both
    103 love trains. (My dad, though, thought Biden was too old to run again. “I know
    104 that walk,” he told me early this year, regarding Biden’s stiffening gait. He
    105 thought it was good, and noble, when Biden dropped out.) He despises Donald
    106 Trump and sees right through him.
    107 
    108 So, when my dad called me Tuesday morning, I thought it would be the election
    109 on his mind. It was all that was on my mind, that’s for sure. He had, in fact,
    110 just come back from voting, but it was something else. His voice was chipper,
    111 upbeat, but I could tell it wasn’t a good story. I know him too well.
    112 
    113 Turns out, he had gone out to eat, by himself, Monday evening. In fact, at the
    114 very same restaurant where he and my mom ate their last meal together. He ate,
    115 drove home, and once home went to wash his hands before going to bed. That’s
    116 when he noticed his wedding band was missing from his finger.
    117 
    118 It was lost.
    119 
    120 He looked around to no avail, and went to bed without it. In the morning light,
    121 he retraced his steps. He felt certain he had it on while at the
    122 restaurant — not because he took any note of it while dining, but because he
    123 knows he’d have noticed its absence. If you wear a ring every day on the same
    124 finger, you know how true that is. He almost never took that ring off.
    125 
    126 At some point when I was a little kid, my dad told me he had never once removed
    127 his ring since my mom put it on his finger at their wedding, the year before I
    128 was born. My mom, I knew, took hers on and off all the time. In fact she often
    129 wore other rings in place of her actual wedding band, because she found them
    130 more comfortable, and she placed little sentimental value on the ring from her
    131 actual ceremony. I asked my dad that day about his, and he told me he simply
    132 had never taken it off. I found that to be amazing. From my childhood
    133 perspective, he’d worn that ring nonstop for a lifetime. He broke that streak
    134 eventually, for some small reason, and it wasn’t a big deal to him, the
    135 never-having-taken-it-off thing. But I knew from that time I asked him about it
    136 as a child, that the ring itself was deeply important to him, in a way that my
    137 mom didn’t feel about hers. Some people imbue meaning and sentimental
    138 importance to certain objects. My dad saw his wedding ring like that. It was a
    139 sacred token. And now he’d lost it.
    140 
    141 Through my youth — his 30s and 40s and early 50s — my dad always looked how I’d
    142 describe as “of average build”. Neither thin nor heavy. Strong but not muscled.
    143 He looked like the sort of man who in his youth played third base, and batted
    144 near the top of the order, which he did. A former athlete who could still hit
    145 the living shit out of a golf ball. In his middle age, he gained a bit of a
    146 paunch. (It happens, I now know.) But in the last few years he’s lost quite a
    147 bit of weight. He’s downright bony now, in an old man way. His old pants (and
    148 nearly all his pants are old — he’s 86) need to be cinched with a belt or
    149 they’d fall right off him. His fingers too, have gotten bony. So his ring had
    150 gotten loose. He’d offhandedly mentioned that fact to me a few months ago even,
    151 telling me he needed to be careful whenever his hands might get wet.
    152 
    153 After waking Tuesday morning, he searched everywhere he could think it might
    154 be. The kitchen. The bathroom. The shower. The sink. The other sink. He took
    155 the couch cushions off. He looked in his car. He went back in the house and
    156 searched everywhere all over again. He took a break to vote, came home, and
    157 went back out and searched the car again, this time with a flashlight. To no
    158 avail. It’s a sick feeling after you’ve lost something of value, when you start
    159 losing count of how many times you’ve looked for it in the exact same places
    160 you’ve already checked. You can’t stop looking, but can’t think of new places
    161 to search.
    162 
    163 He called the restaurant, but they weren’t yet open, so he left a message,
    164 leaving his name and number in case anyone had found a simple well-worn gold
    165 wedding band — and if no one had, well, maybe could they keep an eye out for
    166 it. He called me after he left that message. He wasn’t forlorn. He laughed
    167 even. That’s how he is. That’s how I am. That’s how we are. I’m his boy, as he
    168 still sometimes reminds me. But I know what that ring meant to him.
    169 
    170 And my mom had just died so recently. It has only been a few months. The
    171 seasons have only changed once since we buried her.
    172 
    173 Fuck.
    174 
    175 It was a bad start to a day that I began, like any keen political junkie, with
    176 a nervous feeling. I’m not superstitious but a bad omen is a bad omen. You want
    177 every little thing to break right on a high-stress big day, and Election Day,
    178 for us, had begun with a small heartbreak. I told my wife about my dad’s ring
    179 and she almost burst into tears. She loves him so much. “He just lost your
    180 mom”, she said.
    181 
    182 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
    183 
    184 You know how the rest of Election Day went. My wife and I voted. We both like
    185 the ceremony of voting in-person on Election Day. It helps that we live in a
    186 neighborhood with a vibrant civil infrastructure, with no-wait polling places
    187 no more than a block or two away from any residence. We were both feeling good.
    188 
    189 But then what? I was reminded, once again, that I never know what to do with
    190 myself on Election Day in a presidential election. No information or results
    191 can be gleaned until polling places start closing in early states at 7pm ET.
    192 What do you do until then? It seemed pointless for me to write anything further
    193 about the election, but equally futile to think I could concentrate on anything
    194 else. Expounding upon [14]Kottke’s treatise on the art of hypertext writing 
    195 [15]was a good distraction. I got to write about something I care about, and
    196 because the inspiration was the NYT editorial board’s [16]receipts-packed
    197 110-word admonition to end the Trump era, my effort felt at least tangentially
    198 related to the election that was then (and alas, remains now) front of mind for
    199 me. I could focus on that, and I didn’t finish it until just before 7:00pm.
    200 Perfect.
    201 
    202 That’s [17]Kornacki time. Steve Kornacki’s data-driven, map-based analysis has
    203 been the heart and soul of MSNBC’s presidential election night coverage for all
    204 three Trump elections: 2016, 2020, and now 2024. I honestly don’t remember how
    205 I watched election results before Kornacki. I know I’ve been watching election
    206 night results on TV since at least 1992. As best I can recall, before 2016, I’d
    207 flip around between CNN, MSNBC, and the broadcast networks. I basically just
    208 “watched the news on TV”, not on any particular channel. But starting in 2016,
    209 we just watch Kornacki. We put on MSNBC and we don’t flip. The desk chatter
    210 amongst commentators and panelists that consumes the time between Kornacki
    211 updates is background noise. But what Kornacki does is genius. Maybe the other
    212 networks have caught up and do something similar now. I don’t know, because I
    213 no longer flip.
    214 
    215 The way it works is that every news operation has a “decision desk”. The
    216 decision desk staffers are off-screen analysts, not on-air talent. They call
    217 state-by-state results only with absolute certainty. That absolute certainty
    218 can and usually does come before every single vote in a state has been counted,
    219 but comes after the likely winner is ascertainable beyond a reasonable doubt.
    220 The decision desks make their calls not when the writing appears on the wall,
    221 but when the paint has started to dry.
    222 
    223 They weren’t always so fastidious, because nerve-rackingly close results in
    224 American presidential elections used to be the exception, not the norm. But
    225 after the contentious and almost impossibly close election of 2000, when, on
    226 election night, multiple networks — including Fox News — [18]had projected Al
    227 Gore the winner early in the evening, based on exit polls rather than tabulated
    228 votes, every such major decision desk has become quite rigorous about this,
    229 regardless of the political bent of the network or publication. Rigorous to the
    230 point of almost entirely avoiding controversy. We can see that even now, on
    231 Friday 8 November, as I write this. At the moment, none of the major decision
    232 desks have yet called Arizona or Nevada, despite it being a near-certainty
    233 Trump won both. The only exception I can recall was four years ago, [19]when
    234 Fox News called Arizona for Biden at midnight and the AP followed a few hours
    235 later. Biden did in fact win Arizona, but when Fox and the AP called it for
    236 him, with 80 percent of the state’s ballots counted, Biden was ahead by a
    237 seemingly comfortable 9 percent. By the time all ballots had been counted, days
    238 later, the margin had closed to a whisker-thin 0.3 percent. They were correct,
    239 but by their own standards of rigor were mistaken to call it when they did.
    240 It’s an interesting sign of how independent the Fox News decision desk is,
    241 though, that when they got reckless, it was in Biden’s direction.
    242 
    243 What Steve Kornacki does at MSNBC is make de facto calls without making actual
    244 calls. Or better put, he presents real-time data and context that allows you,
    245 the attentive viewer, to start making calls long before the decision desks
    246 reach their standards of absolute certainty. “You don’t need a weatherman to
    247 know which way the wind blows” goes the Bob Dylan line. Steve Kornacki isn’t
    248 the weatherman. He’s our finger in the air.
    249 
    250 What he does is find telltale counties in important states. A suburb of
    251 Atlanta. A suburb of Charlotte. A suburb of Philadelphia. With, say, half the
    252 vote counted, he might show that Harris is winning 75-25 in that county. That’s
    253 a solidly blue county. A 50-point margin is, you know, good. But then comes the
    254 context. That same county, let’s say, went 80-20 for Biden in 2020, and went
    255 75-25 for Hillary Clinton in 2016. Now that 75-25 margin for Harris doesn’t
    256 look good. It looks like 2016, not like 2020. Or go the other way. Kornacki
    257 finds small rural counties of note. Some red county Trump was certain to win,
    258 but which he was winning this year by margins that looked like those in 2016,
    259 not 2020.
    260 
    261 It’s quite remarkable, Kornacki’s gift. He presents the story, the explanation
    262 of how the election results are going, without ever saying what exactly it is
    263 he is explaining. He shows you just the right trees to give you a sense of the
    264 entire forest. He never says “It looks like Trump is going to win North
    265 Carolina.” He simply presents facts, cold hard facts, that, if you consider
    266 them, explain why it looks like Trump is going to win North Carolina. They are
    267 conclusions left for you, the viewer, to draw. It’s incredibly disciplined. But
    268 he never ever gets ahead of the actual NBC News decision desk. He doesn’t have
    269 to. The way he does what he does, he can’t be wrong. If Kornacki paints a
    270 picture of live data and historical results that indicate that Trump is heading
    271 toward a win in, say, Georgia, hours before any official decision desk call is
    272 made, that’s because the data available up to that point just factually shows
    273 that Trump is on a path to win Georgia. And if something were to happen with
    274 the remaining votes that change that path, he’ll simply present that new data
    275 as it comes in, later in the evening.
    276 
    277 Closely watching Kornacki didn’t mean I knew Trump was going to win early in
    278 the evening. But it meant I knew it sure looked like he was going to. I was
    279 concerned when Florida’s results came in, shortly after their polls closed at
    280 8pm. (Say what you will about their debacle in 2000, but in the aftermath,
    281 Florida got its shit together and now tabulates the entirety of their statewide
    282 vote with remarkable alacrity and promptness.) I of course had no expectation
    283 that Harris might win Florida, but [20]she lost by 13 points. Trump only won
    284 Florida four years ago [21]by 3 points. That swing alone was an ominous early
    285 sign of the nationwide trend. That’s when the pit formed in my stomach. Uh-oh.
    286 
    287 I don’t flip channels but I do of course watch with my phone in hand. The New
    288 York Times’s infamous “needle” lurched sickeningly rightward early. I stopped
    289 looking at it, but not because I thought it was mistaken. Because I knew it was
    290 probably correct. By 10pm or so, it seemed obvious that Harris’s only plausible
    291 path to victory was for three states — Pennsylvania, Michigan, and
    292 Wisconsin — to buck the nationwide trend of red counties getting redder, and
    293 blue counties getting slightly less blue. There was reason for hope, but not
    294 much. It was like “Tom Brady could lead the Patriots to a comeback in the Super
    295 Bowl even though they’re down 28-3 in the third quarter” hope. [22]That
    296 happened, but that’s not how 28-3 football games tend to go. That’s not how
    297 elections tend to go. And it’s not how this one went. At 11:20pm, my friend
    298 Taegan Goddard [23]wrote this lede in a post at Political Wire: “Donald Trump
    299 is now very likely to win re-election. He has the edge in Pennsylvania,
    300 Michigan and Wisconsin — all states Kamala Harris needs to win.” I wasn’t yet
    301 at the point where I’d have put that into such stark words, but I knew they
    302 were true. So it goes.
    303 
    304 I watched MSNBC for another hour, but only with resignation, not hope. I
    305 watched a Harris spokesman take the podium at her stage at Howard University
    306 and tell the nation she wouldn’t be speaking until Wednesday — just like 2016.
    307 I posted [24]one brief item here, commenting only, “Strong déjà vu as
    308 acceptance sets in.”
    309 
    310 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
    311 
    312 I woke early on Wednesday, at least by my night owl standards. A gut punch is
    313 not a sleep aid. My dad called, just after 9:30am. He seldom calls that early,
    314 knowing my sleep habits. I hadn’t stopped feeling heartsick about his ring. His
    315 voice though, was excited. He’d gone to mass that morning, driven home, and
    316 parked in front of his house. (Still hard for me not to call it their house.)
    317 Same exact spot where he’d parked the night he lost the ring. It’s a one-way
    318 street, and in front of his house, cars park on the left. He opened the car
    319 door and thought to look down, just in case. There it was. His ring. In the
    320 street, between his car and the curb, nestled amidst some dry leaves. It must
    321 have fallen off his finger as he was opening the car door that night, and the
    322 leaves perhaps deadened any clink it might have made hitting the ground. If
    323 that parking spot hadn’t been open again, he wouldn’t have found it then and
    324 there. If it had rained, it would have washed away.
    325 
    326 He said, “John, when I picked that ring up, I kissed it. 52 years I’ve had this
    327 ring on my finger. I thanked St. Anthony, and I thanked your mother. I think
    328 she found it for me.”
    329 
    330 Given the circumstances when I went to bed Tuesday night, it was no surprise I
    331 was welling up with tears come the morning. But I’d never have expected they’d
    332 be tears of joy, with a sense of hope — however diminished — and abiding love
    333 in my heart.
    334 
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    357 [13] https://daringfireball.net/linked/2024/11/04/harrison-ford-harris
    358 [14] https://kottke.org/24/11/the-powerful-density-of-hypertextual-writing
    359 [15] https://daringfireball.net/2024/11/kottke_on_the_art_and_power_of_hypertextual_writing
    360 [16] https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/11/02/opinion/vote-harris-2024-election.html
    361 [17] https://www.vulture.com/article/steve-kornacki-2024-election-coverage-live-msnbc.html
    362 [18] https://www.npr.org/2018/11/12/666812854/the-florida-recount-of-2000-a-nightmare-that-goes-on-haunting
    363 [19] https://www.npr.org/2020/11/19/936739072/ap-explains-calling-arizona-for-biden-early-before-it-got-very-close
    364 [20] https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-elections/florida-president-results
    365 [21] https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-elections/florida-president-results/
    366 [22] https://www.si.com/nfl/2017/02/06/super-bowl-51-falcons-patriots-comeback-overtime-peter-king-nfl
    367 [23] https://politicalwire.com/2024/11/05/where-the-race-stands-now/
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