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 [40]Funbag
 
 The Kindness Of Familiar Faces
 
 [41][dre]
 By [42]Drew Magary
 
 12:59 PM EDT on March 10, 2026
 
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 Commuters waiting for a trainJustin Tallis / AFP
 [47]
 467Comments
 
 Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your
 mind? [48]Email the Funbag. You can also read Drew over at [49]SFGATE, and [50]
 buy Drew’s books while [51]you’re at it. Today, we're talking brackets,
 bartenders, hot people with shitty taste, and more.
 
 Your letters:
 
 Chuck:
 
     I go to a gym on a regular weekday schedule, as do most of the people there
     at 5 a.m. One guy, who usually takes a shower right before me, has the best
     smelling body wash. Like, the entire shower smells great when he gets out.
     I've briefly talked to him before, but how weird is it for me to ask him
     what the name of it is?
 
 Can’t you just see what body wash he’s using without having to ask? If you see
 this guy at the gym every morning, surely you’ve seen him carrying his magical,
 cedarwood-scented bottle of Old Spice 2-in-1 on the way to/from washing up. If
 you haven’t, then why not just leap into his shower while he’s lathering up so
 that you can get a direct look?
 
 If you’d never seen this guy before in your life, I’d tell you to hold your
 tongue. Having a complete stranger be like You know, I’ve been smelling you
 isn’t just weird, but also strangely personal. But in Chuck’s case, we’re
 talking about another gym regular he’s already had small talk with. That counts
 as “knowing” the guy, even if barely. So I think it’s OK to broach the subject.
 You can say, “I know this sounds weird, but I have to know what kinda body wash
 you’re using. Mine doesn’t smell anywhere near that good, bro!” and have it
 work. Don’t ask him while you’re both IN the shower. That would be inopportune.
 But in the relative safety of the locker area? Feels safe to me.
 
 I haven’t belonged to a gym since the pandemic, and yet I still remember a lot
 of the regulars. Not only from that gym, but from the gym I belonged to before
 that. I remember all of the hot members of course, but it goes way past that. I
 remember a dude who looked and dressed exactly like a Sopranos extra, even
 though we were in suburban Maryland. I remember a dude with big mop of curly
 hair who always worked out with his glasses on. I remember this one squat lady
 who could deadlift like 225. I never held a conversation with any of these
 people. Not sure I even said a single word to them. But I saw them nearly every
 day, so they were familiar faces.
 
 It’s always good to have familiar faces passing in and out of your life. You
 graduate from school and all of the randos you used to see walking past you in
 the quad are replaced with a new set of randos in the office, at your gym, in
 your apartment building, and even at the grocery store. Even if you never speak
 to these people, you interact with them. You notice them. You hear them. You
 bump into them. You see them talking to someone else, and then you wonder about
 that other person. They might do likewise, and now there’s a loose tether
 connecting you both. It’s nothing you’ll think about for more than six seconds,
 but it’s still there.
 
 Now that I work from home and work out at home, my current portfolio of
 familiar faces is much lower than it should be. It’s only when I go out on my
 bike that I get my RDA of not-quite strangers: the one weirdo who seems to be
 running on the trail 24 hours a day, the old man who I know from experience
 won’t be able to hear my bike bell as I come from behind, many cute dogs. These
 are the people (and dogs) who keep you socialized, even if you never learn
 their names. Lose them and you lose one of your tethers to the rest of the
 world. Now I wish I belonged to a gym again. I bet I’d be using a
 better-smelling body wash right now if I did.
 
 Jeff:
 
     I’m recently 40, and I think I had my first true old man thought! Back in
     my day, there was at least some semblance of protest music in pop culture
     and music. My old ass doesn’t feel like that exists anymore! Are there
     actually pop musicians doing political/protest messages in the algorithm
     age?
 
 I made this same old-man lament in this column a few weeks ago … and also
 probably 78 other times over the past decade. Anyway, the chief culprit is that
 darn [52]capitalism, in the form of consolidation, monopolization, private
 equity, and David Zaslav’s taste in movies. But you know about all of that shit
 already, so let me pull out ever more and pin this on the existence of the
 internet. I’ve been on a tear reading oral histories of old music scenes: the
 early days at MTV, the '80s glam scene in Hollywood, the '90s grunge scene in
 Seattle. All of these scenes developed before the popular web, and that’s no
 coincidence.
 
 Let’s use Kurt Cobain as an example here. The topline I’m about to give you is
 WILDLY broad, so I apologize in advance. In the 1980s, Cobain was stuck in
 Aberdeen, Wash., with no real prospects and no place where he felt he belonged.
 So he packed up and went to Seattle, where he found a bunch of people who were
 weird in the same way that he was weird: broke as shit, nowhere to stay, drunk
 all the time, frequenting the same seedy music clubs every night because that’s
 where they knew everyone else would be. A lot of these people, like Cobain, had
 also migrated to Seattle. Some of them formed bands, and then formed different
 bands with people from other bands they knew. That loose collection of faces
 that were all in the same place, all for an extended period of time, and so a
 culture germinated out of it: flannel shirts, Jackass-grade DIY stage antics,
 and a form of music that wasn’t metal and wasn’t punk, but instead a ramshackle
 melding of the two. By the time the '80s had ended… HEY PRESTO! Here’s the
 grunge scene, ready to take over the world with Cobain’s Nirvana as the tip of
 the spear.
 
 None of that happens if the internet exists. Instead of fleeing to Seattle in
 search of a purpose in life, Kurt Cobain would’ve joined a subreddit that made
 living in Aberdeen three percent more bearable, he would have expressed his
 jadedness with society on Thought Catalog, and he would have uploaded rough
 demos to his SoundCloud as his attempt at making it in the biz. He wouldn’t
 have met any of the people who either inspired his music or directly made it
 with him. More important, the Seattle scene itself never would have
 materialized. The internet disincentivizes people young and old from going out
 into the world, from making necessary human connections, and from forging a
 collective artistic voice together. That’s why there’s never gonna be another
 Cobain. That’s why the most visible protest music in 2026 comes from the likes
 of [53]Bruce Springsteen and [54]U2: old rich white dudes who have nothing at
 stake.
 
 Kevin:
 
     Do you have methodology for picking your bracket? My family tradition is to
     always take Catholic schools. Some people go with mascots or team colors.
     What’s the Magary way?
 
 I used to have a whole setup for picking my men’s bracket. I’d pick up the
 print edition of USA Today, then sit down and pore over the team capsules like
 a homicide detective sifting through evidence. I valued guard play in the
 tourney (still do), so if I saw any highly seeded team that had at least two
 guards average double figures in scoring, I gave them a little star. Then I’d
 sit down with my bracket and begin carefully filling it out … until I fucked up
 a line and had to print out an entirely new, clean bracket to fill out. Then
 I’d pick a 12-seed to upset a 5-seed, thinking I was the only person alive who
 knew that at least one 12-seed always win an opening-round game. Then I’d fold
 up the bracket and keep it in my pocket all tourney long, checking off picks
 that advanced and X-ing picks that didn’t. Then, by the Elite Eight at the
 latest, I’d wad that bracket up and throw it out. I won my pool exactly one
 time, back in 1999. This is why Khalid El-Amin remains my favorite college
 basketball player in history.
 
 That was my methodology back then. Here’s my methodology today: I get a
 reminder to fill out my bracket days before the tourney starts, then I head
 over to ESPN’s Bracket Challenge Sponsored By Grok University, then I fill out
 my bracket in less than two minutes, basing my choices on a random mix of old
 prejudices and gut basketball knowledge, and then I forget who I picked until
 they lose in the first round two days later. If the NCAA ever tinkers with the
 68-team bracket anymore than they already have, I will accuse them of
 destroying my childhood.
 
 Drew (not me):
 
     In the year of our Lord 2026, is the average American more likely to fall
     in love with a bartender or a barista?
 
 Bartender. The answer is always bartender. If I’m dealing with a barista, it’s
 probably early in the morning and I’m probably cranky. Also, I’m probably
 standing in line at an airport. That’s no time to fall in love, not even in a
 romcom. Conversely, when do you encounter a bartender? That’s right: when
 you’re already drunk and already horny. Real horny, not birthday-party horny.
 Then some saucy gal in a knotted dress shirt behind the bar asks you what
 you’ll be havin’ and DAMN GIRL HOW BOUT I BE HAVIN’ THOSE DIGITS? I’ve never
 slept with a bartender, by the way.
 
 Other Drew failed to include “dispensary gal” in his question, but you better
 believe that every dirtbag guy living in the city has dealt with a cool
 (stoned) dispensary gal and thought (stoned) to himself, “I’m never buying weed
 anywhere else from now on. Elsie is the best of the best.” I’ve also never
 slept with a weed dispensary clerk.
 
 HALFTIME!
 
 Bryan:
 
     Imagine you found the perfect girl (or partner) for you in every way.
     Beautiful, thoughtful, kind, funny, all the things. However, she is
     OBSESSED with the show The Big Bang Theory. Like, would default to watching
     it when nothing was on, drop quotes, say "Bazinga" unironically, go to
     cons, run a fan website... could you make that relationship work for you?
 
 Bryan, come on now. You have to give me harder questions than this. I have
 never watched The Big Bang Theory, but no one is ever gonna be like, “Well I
 love Marisa Miller, but her fondness for Chuck Lorre shows is a bridge I simply
 can never gap.” Shit, you’re lucky in 2026 America if the person you’re fucking
 isn’t a Nazi. So yes, I think I could tolerate a dream girlfriend who likes
 that show. My wife has to deal with my football problem, and that’s
 exponentially more annoying. She’s also roped me into watching shit like early
 Grey’s Anatomy. At no point during any of those episodes was I like, “I have to
 leave this woman.” All couples have their differences, it doesn’t matter.
 
 RIP McSteamy while we’re here. He was my favorite character on Grey’s Anatomy
 by a mile.
 
 Ricky:
 
     If an NFL team was allowed to have the first 50 picks of the draft but no
     other players, do you think they would make the playoffs?
 
 The first year? No. After that, it depends on if they play in the NFC South or
 not.
 
 Jon:
 
     Heard that Metallica is getting set to do a residency at The Sphere in
     Vegas. I like Metallica but not a huge fan. I’ve never had a strong urge to
     see them live, but if a ticket for one of these shows fell into my lap I
     would definitely go purely for the spectacle. Is there any band or perform
     that you don't hate but would go and see purely for the experience? 
 
 Isn’t that basically how Taylor Swift was able to rake in billions for the Eras
 tour? I’ve yet to meet a single parent—they’re all parents—who went to an Eras
 show and thought they’d wasted their dough. And all of those people went as
 wingmen for actual Swift fans. So while I could give half a shit about Swift’s
 musical output, you better believe I would’ve hit that concert if someone had
 given me a comp. That woman, like [55]Metallica, knows how to put on a good
 show.
 
 Jon didn’t even mention the festival circuit in his question, and one of the
 fun things about hitting a festival is falling for acts you wouldn’t have
 thought twice about otherwise. And I’ve already attended plenty of concerts
 where I only had a casual interest in the performer: Meatloaf, Bad-era Michael
 Jackson, Cyndi Lauper. I had a good time in every instance. I check out opening
 acts too, just in case I end up being pleasantly surprised (and I have been).
 I’ll also go to a show if I have a history with the venue, a la 9:30 in D.C. If
 you live near a club-sized venue that you like, it’s always fun to go to a
 concert there even if you don’t know the act all that well. I resolved to go to
 more concerts a while back, but I haven’t done a good job sticking with the
 effort. Don’t be as lazy as me. You won’t never know what you’re missing
 otherwise.
 
 Still Jon:
 
     Side question: How tempted are you by these Metallica at The Sphere shows?
     James Dolan can get fucked with a broken hockey stick but from what I've
     seen concerts at The Sphere look pretty epic.
 
 Oh I’m gonna ask SFGATE to send me to that show on assignment. I love
 Metallica, and I think The Sphere is cool, even if the rest of the internet
 despises it. I expect a concert planetarium in Las Vegas to be tacky; I’d be
 pissed if it wasn’t. So don’t expect my review of that show to be a pan.
 
 Pete:
 
     I was making my daughter pancakes and noticed one of her reading
     comprehension tests. She’s in second grade, btw. She hurried through, just
     to be done and have time to relax. She picked up one of my worst habits. I
     still do this. What habit or trait of yours have your kids inherited,
     despite you trying to rectify it?
 
 That one, especially with our 13-year-old son. Like me, the boy rushes through
 his homework so that he never has to deal with it again (and also so he can
 front like the work was easy for him to do). But I’ve never tried to rectify
 that, because DNA is DNA. Also, he’s still doing his homework and getting good
 grades. It’d be one thing if he just bailed on ever turning his work in. That’d
 be his ass. But he does the work, and then his teacher tells him whether or not
 he did a sloppy-ass job with it. Just like my teacher told me back in the day.
 AWWWWWW.
 
 Josue:
 
     I was in the produce aisle of the supermarket recently, perusing the
     cucumber selection. When I had found the cucumber I wanted, I picked it up,
     and proceeded to do that little one-handed end-over-end flip and catch of
     the cucumber before putting it in my basket. When I happened to look back
     over to my right, I saw another guy pick up a cucumber and do the exact
     same thing. Then I realized that this is something that I like to do
     whenever I'm holding a vaguely cylindrical item in my hands: vegetables, my
     kid’s aluminum baseball bat, even hammers. The more top heavy and
     unbalanced the item, the more satisfying it is to successfully pull it off.
     Anyways, what's up with that?
 
 I do the cucumber flip too! Vegetables can be really sensuous, don’t you think?
 I do all of that playdate shit. I stand a baseball bat on my palm and see how
 long I can keep it balanced. I twirl my stick lighter like it’s a six-shooter.
 I use a paper towel roll as an air sword. It’s fun, and if being fun is weird,
 well then call me Pee-wee Herman.
 
 J:
 
     I have a friend who I haven’t talked to in over two years. I recently
     applied for a job with the company he works for (though in a different
     department). Do I reach out to him, or does that make it look like I view
     our relationship as purely transactional?
 
 Fuck yeah, you reach out to him. It’s a jungle out there, man. You need to use
 whatever connections you got to keep your head above water. Your old friend
 knows that. Everyone knows that. So if you reach out to him, he’s not gonna be
 like, “All this time, J was just using me to get an associate brand manager
 position.” He’s gonna help. It doesn’t matter if you haven‘t spoken in two
 years. Two years ain’t shit. I have friends I haven’t talked to in 10 years,
 and I still wouldn’t think twice about hitting them up for something. And if
 they reached out to me, I’d help them. That’s how the white-collar job market
 has always worked. It’s also how the white-collar criminal sector has always
 worked, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few antitrust laws.
 
 Not Michael:
 
     Do you think you could have performed better than Leonard Lawrence, aka
     Private Gomer Pyle, during the Marine boot camp in Full Metal Jacket? I
     like to think I would be one of the guys beating him with a soap sock. But
     deep down, I have a feeling I probably would have been him in that
     scenario.
 
 I would have been both. I got bullied in school, and I bullied other kids.
 Stick me in the Marines and I’d be a schlub huffing and puffing his way through
 the obstacle course, but then I’d still try to fit in with the platoon by
 beating on any other recruit who was as lazy and out of shape as I was.
 Frankly, this describes my entire football playing career.
 
 Side note: I spent the bulk of my pregaming days getting drunk/high and then
 watching the first 45 minutes of Full Metal Jacket. I’ve only watched the
 second half of that film one time, and I remember pretty much nothing of it.
 
 Michael:
 
     If you were the soldier that found Saddam hiding in his hole would you have
     used the opportunity to say something really badass in front of all your
     other soldier buddies? I feel like it would be a missed opportunity not to.
 
 That’s why we started bombing Iran just now. It wasn’t for any kind of valuable
 strategic purpose (in fact, the U.S. [56]has kind of fucked itself by kicking
 up this war). It was so that camera hogs like Pete Hegseth could get off [57]
 saucy one-liners after blowing up a school. All of these shitheads want to play
 the '80s action hero. Hence, you and I get World War III dropped into our laps.
 It’s not the best way to run a government.
 
 Back to Michael’s question. Let’s say I’m the guy who finds Saddam Hussein in
 his spiderhole during the Iraq War, or I’m the SEAL who puts a bullet in Osama
 bin Laden’s dome. Do I throw down a killer line right after I’ve seized my
 quarry? No, because I’d be in a state of shock. I reckon that going into combat
 is like being in a permanent state of shock. You don’t talk. You don’t even
 think. You just move. All of your faculties are put toward the purpose of
 survival, and nothing else. I’m not gonna suddenly snap out of my fog in that
 moment and be like, “Feelin’ comfy down there, Saddam?” Only a sociopath would
 have that ability. Good thing our military is positively littered with such men
 at the present moment. We even put one sociopath in charge of them all! Neato!
 
 Email of the week!
 
 Aaron:
 
     My Grandma is from a small town in Colorado and she has this tiger painting
     that I love. I've been on a mission to find out who painted it, as it’s
     only signed "J.K. 1910". She also has this incredible two-volume book of
     micro biographies of nearly everyone buried in her town cemetery. So I read
     the biography of every "JK" in the book—unfortunately, none were artists,
     mostly just miners who died in snow slides or of black lung—and the tale of
     Christmas Tree John was by far my favorite. 
 
     KUIVILA, JOHN "CHRISTMAS TREE" – Died 1939
 
     No Marker - Died Dec 30, 1939 - Age 55 Years "Christmas Tree", who lived at
     the Kentucky House, died of miners con at the San Juan Hospital as the year
     of 1939 was coming to an end. He was born in Finland and had come to
     Silverton about ten years previously from Rico, Colorado. He had also
     worked at mines in Telluride and every other town in this section of the
     country.
 
     In 1986, Annie Anesi Smith of Silverton recalled that "Christmas Tree"
     earned his interesting nickname in a Telluride barroom brawl. It was the
     Christmas season and the saloon keeper had thoughtfully provided a
     decorated Christmas tree for the enjoyment of his patrons. John was getting
     the worst end of a fist fight, and seeing the Christmas tree, picked it up,
     decorations and all, and smacked the other fellow with it, knocking him out
     cold. Annie also recalled that John was a tough "pure Finn", a real nice
     man and used to baby sit for Annie's sister, Mary Anesi Dalpra. Survivors
     of "Christmas Tree" were his mother and a sister in Finland. His funeral
     was at the Maguire Chapel and burial was at Hillside.
 
 Oh man I’d love to assault someone with a Christmas tree.
 
 Recommended
 
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 [68][dre]
 [69]Drew Magary
 [70]@drewmagary.bsky.social
 
 Columnist. Author of many [71]fine works of literature, including Point B.
 Handsomest man in the world.
 
 Read More:
 
   • [72]brackets,
   • [73]gym etiquette,
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 [49] https://www.sfgate.com/author/drew-magary/
 [50] https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/232152/drew-magary/
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 [52] https://jacobin.com/2024/06/tv-streaming-private-equity
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 [54] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y_aYsZDB2Q&list=PLxA687tYuMWiJ5flW9IWiiBiRsFSXaPCe&index=1
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 [56] https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/09/business/oil-iran-strait-navy-economy
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