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     31 Blog
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     33 8/10/2024 2:10:16 AM
     34 
     35 A Diminishing Portfolio of Enthusiasms
     36 
     37 John P. Weiss / [28]14 Comments
     38 Topics: [29]Aging | [30]death | [31]Encouragement | [32]Hope | [33]inspiration 
     39 | [34]Introspection | [35]Jim Harrison | [36]Life | [37]Life lessons | [38]
     40 Wisdom | [39]Thomas McGuane 
     41 
     42 Everyone disburses
     43 
     44 [47118_5740]
     45 
     46 Selfie of me and my mother
     47 
     48 My mother’s room was on the third floor at Sunrise Senior Living.
     49 
     50 The third floor is the memory care unit because everyone living there has some
     51 form of dementia, except for my mother. Her body was shriveled up and mostly
     52 frozen from late-stage Parkinson’s disease, but her mind was sharp. 
     53 
     54 When we first moved to Nevada and I was choosing an assisted living community
     55 for my mother, Sunrise Senior Living stood out as the most beautiful and
     56 professional. But they only had two rooms available—one on the second floor,
     57 and one on the third floor. 
     58 
     59 My wife, a hospice nurse, recommended we select the third-floor unit.
     60 
     61 “But that’s the memory care unit. Everyone there has dementia or some form of
     62 memory loss,” I told my wife.
     63 
     64 “I know, but that means the staff-to-patient ratio will be higher. And since
     65 she can’t walk or leave her room, she’ll see the staff more. You know how
     66 social your Mom is,” my wife said.
     67 
     68 My wife is brilliant.
     69 
     70 We chose the third-floor room, and sure enough, Mom loved it. There were views
     71 of the mountains outside her bedroom window, and the staff loved visiting with
     72 her because she was outgoing and of sound mind.
     73 
     74 I frequently visited Mom and brought her cupcakes, snacks, and new books to
     75 read. And when she could no longer hold books, I hired a woman to come and read
     76 to her. But then she and the woman became good friends and often spent an hour
     77 chatting, which was fine with me. 
     78 
     79 All I wanted was for my mother to be comfortable and happy.
     80 
     81 We’re both still here, for now
     82 
     83 In the last year of my mother’s life, she loved to reminisce and talk about the
     84 past. 
     85 
     86 Sometimes it’s unhealthy to wallow in the past or romanticize days gone by with
     87 rosy retrospection. You can get stuck there, and forget how to live in the
     88 present. But when your life is reduced to a bed and four walls, sometimes the
     89 past is all you can escape into. 
     90 
     91 Mom would tell me about the old haunts in Long Island where she grew up and
     92 used to play at the beach. I’d bring my iPad during our visits, look up those
     93 old places, and show Mom photos and videos. This delighted Mom, and soon we
     94 were looking up her old friends, “to see if they’re still alive,” Mom would say
     95 with a laugh. 
     96 
     97 We found one of her childhood friends, Elsie, and even located a phone number.
     98 We called, and amazingly, Elsie answered. 
     99 
    100 For the next thirty minutes or so, Mom and Elsie traversed the landscape of
    101 their early days and all the fun they had in the sun and surf of Long Island,
    102 New York. As they spoke, I envisioned the sunny skies and seagulls flying over
    103 them. I heard the surf crashing on the beach not far from their blanket on the
    104 sand where their picnic lunch included sandwiches, sodas, and laughter.
    105 
    106 Eventually, my Mom and Elsie said their goodbyes. 
    107 
    108 After the phone call, Mom became a bit quiet and reflective. Then she looked at
    109 me and said, “You don’t know how wonderful those years are until they’re gone.
    110 Most everyone disappears.”
    111 
    112 “Well, we found Elsie. She’s still here,” I said. 
    113 
    114 Mom nodded in agreement, looked out the window, and said, “We’re both still
    115 here, for now.”
    116 
    117 Freshen up your feelings about being alive
    118 
    119 On the shelves in my home library are several books by the late author [40]Jim
    120 Harrison, perhaps best known for his novella, [41]“Legends of the Fall,” which
    121 became a movie starring Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt. 
    122 
    123 Harrison was a friend of the late painter [42]Russell Chatham, whose beautiful
    124 tonalist paintings adorn the covers of many Harrison novels. Harrison and
    125 Chatham appeared once in an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s popular television
    126 series, “Parts Unknown.” 
    127 
    128 In the episode, the three talked about food and life, as they enjoyed an
    129 amazing home-cooked meal and loads of wine. Sadly, Harrison died not long after
    130 that episode. 
    131 
    132 On his [43]website, Bourdain wrote the following about Jim Harrison: 
    133 
    134     “Shortly after the filming of this episode, Jim passed away, only a few
    135     months after the death of his beloved wife of many years, Linda. It is very
    136     likely that this is the last footage taken of him. To the very end, he ate
    137     like a champion, smoked like a chimney, lusted (at least in his heart)
    138     after nearly every woman he saw, drank wine in quantities that would be
    139     considered injudicious in a man half his age, and most importantly, got up
    140     and wrote each and every day—brilliant, incisive, thrilling sentences and
    141     verses that will live forever. He died, I am told, with pen in hand.”
    142 
    143 Recently, a thoughtful reader of my work sent me an email with a link to a
    144 documentary titled, “All That Is Sacred.” [44]IMDb.com described the film as
    145 follows: 
    146 
    147     “In the late 1960s, poets, writers, and musicians descend upon Key West to
    148     pursue their love of literature and fishing (and cocaine and acid). Tom
    149     McGuane is soon joined by friends Jim Harrison, Richard Brautigan, Russell
    150     Chatham, and Jimmy Buffett. They create some of their generation’s best
    151     art.”
    152 
    153 Watch the documentary trailer below.
    154 
    155 It’s a wonderful documentary with interviews and film footage from long ago
    156 when all these writers and artists were young, full of life and promise. But we
    157 also see a few of them, the ones still alive, wistfully reflecting on those
    158 earlier days of fun and friendship.
    159 
    160 And then the film shares the following quote from Jim Harrison: 
    161 
    162     “We go through life with a diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms.” 
    163 
    164 Harrison goes on to say that we must seek, “jolts of enormous electricity,” to 
    165 “freshen up your feelings about being alive.” 
    166 
    167 In other words, don’t melt into your couch and stop living. Don’t give up on
    168 life just because your portfolio of enthusiasms has diminished. There are
    169 always ways to squeeze more out of life, even if you’re old and less able to do
    170 the things you used to. 
    171 
    172 We have to make the special moments count.
    173 
    174 The astonishing thing about growing old is that everyone disburses
    175 
    176 My mother never let Parkinson’s disease or her contorted body stand in the way
    177 of enjoying a great conversation or buttercream cupcakes and cheesecake.
    178 
    179 [1]Mom and her desserts. Photo:[45] John P. Weiss
    180 
    181 Mom kept up on the news, enjoyed discussing politics and books, and often
    182 dispensed life lessons and advice for the young assisted living staff members
    183 who came to her to share boyfriend problems or other worries.
    184 
    185 No doubt, Mom probably confronted her own diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms,
    186 but she always had the capacity to bounce back. She made new friends, even
    187 though so many of her old friends were disappearing.
    188 
    189 In the “All That Is Sacred” documentary, writer Thomas McGuane says the
    190 following: 
    191 
    192     “The astonishing thing about growing old is that everyone disburses.” 
    193 
    194 Sadly, I have found this to be true. 
    195 
    196 Retirement and aging mean that people often move. Some pass away. Others lose
    197 touch because their lives have changed, and new priorities emerge, like
    198 grandkids, doctor appointments, and such.
    199 
    200 What do we do when confronted with this diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms
    201 and everyone disburses? 
    202 
    203 We follow Jim Harrison’s lead. We make new friends. We enjoy good food and
    204 drink. We celebrate the great outdoors. We continue loving those close to us,
    205 including our animal companions. 
    206 
    207 And most importantly, we continue to embrace our creative passions. To the best
    208 of our ability. 
    209 
    210 Jim Harrison, despite his aging and decrepit body, got up every day to write by
    211 hand. On his last day, before a heart attack ushered him beyond the veil, he
    212 was seated at his writing desk with pen in hand composing a poem.
    213 
    214 Now that’s the way to go out.
    215 
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    246   • [48]How to Carry the Burden of Someone You Love
    247   • [49]Life Is So Terrible and Beautiful at the Same Time
    248   • [50]The Unheard Songs of Life
    249   • [51]Days of Grace
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    259    260    261    262 
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    264 
    265 Comments
    266 
    267 14 Responses to A Diminishing Portfolio of Enthusiasms
    268 
    269 [57][20]
    270 
    271 my mom working on a piece of art a week before she passed at 93::
    272 
    273 [58]https://vimeo.com/509576413/0d86416709?share=copy
    274 
    275 Posted by [59]Walter Paul Bebirian · via [60]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    276 [61][73]
    277 
    278 Just beautiful. I read your writing every Saturday. I look forward to it! I
    279 love when you write about your Mother!
    280 
    281 Posted by [62]Frankie Jackson · via [63]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    282 [64][46]
    283 
    284 I know I have said it before ... "This is one of the best you have written!" I
    285 shared it to my FB page because I believe in all that you have written here...
    286 having lost my Mom three years ago, and Dad three years before that. These
    287 things you mention are extremely important... life is so worth living!
    288 
    289 Posted by [65]Marsha Hamby Savage · via [66]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    290 [67][b0]
    291 
    292 John - you write beautifully, and I thank you for sharing your talent with us.
    293 This essay contains important lessons to help us maneuver life's ups and downs.
    294 
    295 Posted by [68]Donna Skeels Cygan · via [69]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    296 [70][af]
    297 
    298 Great piece, John. My mom turns 90 in September and I'm planning a surprise
    299 party with her remaining friends and family (don't tell her!). She had six
    300 sisters and three brothers. Only four remain and she's the oldest still living.
    301 In sending out the invites, I was aware of the people who have "dispersed". Mom
    302 is still sharp and we speak regularly. I greatly enjoy when she tells stories
    303 of her life and have tried to record some of them. I'm sentimental like her and
    304 know that in years to come, I will be playing them back. But for now, I just
    305 want to appreciate her today.
    306 
    307 Posted by Jim Edmonds · via [71]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    308 [72][8d]
    309 
    310 I can't help it, I always smile when I see a picture of your mom. How precious
    311 she is all dressed up with her hair coifed, her pearls, and always a smile. She
    312 reminds me so much of my mom. I think they would have been great friends. The
    313 city girl from Long Island, and the farm girl from Washington would have shared
    314 stories of life and love spending the afternoon lounging over their favorite
    315 desert and a cup of coffee!
    316 
    317 Posted by [73]Ron · via [74]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    318 [75][15]
    319 
    320 What a beautiful essay, particularly your lovely and loving writing about your
    321 mom! I read a book a while back , Live Life in Crescendo, I believe the title
    322 was, that embraced this essay's main point - even as you age, keep discovering
    323 and contributing. Thank you John, for this insightful writing today.
    324 
    325 Posted by Shirley · via [76]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    326 [77][av]
    327 
    328 This one really hit the mark today! I forgot how much change and adventure is
    329 needed so I don't become so sedentary! I can keep my mind busy most days but
    330 occasionally a person needs the extraordinary to feel that enthusiasm of life
    331 as time goes on day to day.
    332 
    333 Posted by julie · via [78]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    334 [79][4f]
    335 
    336 What a wonderful way to be ushered into your meaningful and poetic stories.
    337 Recently, life has been keeping me too busy for much of anything beyond the
    338 necessaries. Thank you for the fresh breath
    339 
    340 Posted by Ruby Boddie · via [80]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    341 [81][bf]
    342 
    343 I really think life is more enjoyable if lived fully! I loved the message of
    344 this article! It's not only up to me, but in my power, to make the most of my
    345 life, and how I approach living is how I will experience life. I am a product
    346 of my own viewpoints. But I would like to make a comment about admiring Jim
    347 Harrison. Yes, his natural talent and serious devotion to writing gained him a
    348 large audience, but I want to challenge admiration of his lifestyle. As someone
    349 who has lived a lifestyle of rapacious unrestrained lascivious abandon, and as
    350 someone who has also experienced the greatest sort of adventure, fulfillment,
    351 and accomplishment practicing a different sort of lifestyle guided by diligent,
    352 clean, and healthy, nourishing and enriched abundance, I would like to assert
    353 that to admire his behavior is misguided. He may have been a great and
    354 accomplished writer, but to what higher planes and novel achievements may he
    355 have reached if he cared for his mind and body? Such a great potential as
    356 Harrison possessed was surely sadly less than the lofty or ground-breaking
    357 writing he would have produced if he took good care of himself? I will soften
    358 this remark by saying that it is each person's responsibility to make decisions
    359 about who they are, and for all I know, he has lived the most glorious
    360 existence of any person ever, but I can't fail to speak up for the lessons
    361 learned from my own life
    362 
    363 Posted by Leslie Elizabeth Taylor · via [82]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    364 [83][3e]
    365 
    366 Jim was part of a circle of movie people I mingled with, as was Sam Shepherd
    367 and Buck Henry, among others. . He had an aura of melancholy.. Gentle, deeply
    368 kind, an empathic listener he was often quiet in the middle of groups. His
    369 personality seemed deeply rooted in the Northern Woods. I loved the simplicity
    370 of his books. They were bare boned and raw. Ruthlessly carved down to the
    371 sacred heart of the characters and their stories. I especially loved Legends of
    372 the Fall. He drank his whiskey with one ice cube and leaned in while talking to
    373 a friend.
    374 
    375 Posted by Sam Crespi · via [84]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
    376 [85][45]
    377 
    378 Love this! It is entirely possible to live well in old age, even with a
    379 "diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms." Attitude is everything. My mother
    380 taught me by example, and I am practicing now. Greet each day with gratitude
    381 and look for its gifts. Don't focus on what you've lost; relish what you still
    382 have. Notice people. Engage. And by all means, eat dessert and keep writing!
    383 
    384 Posted by [86]Aileen Gronewold · via [87]johnpweiss.com · 1 day ago
    385 [88][4d]
    386 
    387 I look to your Saturday letters every week. They inspire me to live life better
    388 and notice the important things around me. I also love your cartoons. Please
    389 keep adding them!
    390 
    391 Posted by Betty · via [89]johnpweiss.com · 12 hours ago
    392 [90][2d]
    393 
    394 I love this piece and your writing in general. I have stockpiled several of
    395 your letters so that I may enjoy them slowly and in depth. I purchased your
    396 first book and am looking forward to the release of The Morning Fox soon.
    397 
    398 Posted by [91]Meg Volk · via [92]johnpweiss.com · 2 hours ago
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    495 [39] https://johnpweiss.com/?keyvalue=47118&page=Blog&Topic=Thomas%20McGuane
    496 [40] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Harrison
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    498 [42] https://turnerfineart.com/russell-chatham/
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    505 [49] https://johnpweiss.com/blog/187270/life-is-so-terrible-and-beautiful-at-the-same-time
    506 [50] https://johnpweiss.com/blog/193736/the-unheard-songs-of-life
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