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     38 One Thing Parents Can Control
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     40 April 16, 2024
     41 An illustration that shows a silhouette of a parent holding a child’s hand.
     42 there are two-dimentional butterflies flying around them.
     43 Credit...Gabriel Zimmer Studio
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     50 [30]Esau McCaulley
     51 
     52 By [31]Esau McCaulley
     53 
     54 Contributing Opinion Writer
     55 
     56 My father was a long-haul truck driver. He piloted one of those
     57 eighteen-wheelers that had a horn that could raise the dead. As a kid I longed
     58 to join him on his journeys and discover something of the world beyond
     59 Huntsville, Ala., where we lived.
     60 
     61 Despite his numerous promises, he never took me along. That failure, and the
     62 addictions of his that defined much of my childhood, gave me an education of a
     63 different sort. I learned that the world could be cruel and disappointing.
     64 
     65 Now that I am a father, I struggle with how much of that hard world to reveal
     66 to my sons and daughters. I recognize the privilege in even considering this.
     67 Parents of children in Gaza and Ukraine do not have the luxury of deciding
     68 whether to tell their young ones of evils done and all the good left undone.
     69 Bombs descending from above indifferent to the innocence of youth have become
     70 their instructors.
     71 
     72 I believe that we all have a moral duty not to turn away from such suffering.
     73 During dinner my family and I have talked and prayed about war, poverty, racism
     74 and injustice. My hope is that if we instill a sense of empathy in our
     75 children, they might create a better world than the one we have made.
     76 
     77 It is not just the global upheaval that gives me pause. It is my own mistakes.
     78 Not one of us escapes those high-pressure early years of parenthood unscathed.
     79 There are always words that we wish that we could unsay, decisions made that we
     80 would reconsider if time ran backward. What unfulfilled promise will haunt my
     81 children? What will they have to forgive?
     82 
     83 Childhood memories rush upon us awakened by a smell or a song or certain times
     84 of year. The scent of fried chicken takes me back to my grandmother’s house. I
     85 can almost hear the crunch it made when I took a bite. Every time I pass an
     86 eighteen-wheeler on the Interstate, I remember my father. Fall reminds me of
     87 the anxiety I felt when I knew that I had to go back to school without any new
     88 outfits or shoes, hoping I wouldn’t be mocked. I am 44 years old, and I still
     89 remember the hard thumps in my chest.
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    151 [29] https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/16/opinion/parenting-mistakes-joy.html
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