dce/davideisinger.com
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Actions Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

add links

Browse Source
This commit is contained in:
David Eisinger
2025-03-02 01:14:03 -05:00
parent 21c554c89b
commit 56c023648e
9 changed files with 3274 additions and 6 deletions
Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

504
static/archive/celestemdavis-substack-com-8yexkb.txt Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,504 @@
[1]
Matriarchal Blessing
[2]Matriarchal Blessing
SubscribeSign in
Share this post
[8]
[https]
Matriarchal Blessing
Matriarchal Blessing
I'm a feminist and I think it's harder to be a man than a woman.
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
I'm a feminist and I think it's harder to be a man than a woman.
Systemically women have it worse, but behaviorally, men are more limited.
[9]
[htt]
[10]Celeste Davis
Sep 15, 2024
881
Share this post
[12]
[https]
Matriarchal Blessing
Matriarchal Blessing
I'm a feminist and I think it's harder to be a man than a woman.
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
[13]
155
201
[14]
Share
Article voiceover
1×
0:00
-9:44
Audio playback is not supported on your browser. Please upgrade.
When men say it is hard to be a man, I fully believe them.
I think it is very, very hard to be a man.
Perhaps since I write an essay about patriarchy each week, you may think I’m
saying that in a sarcastic voice “Oh it’s SOOoooOO hard to have society built
just for you[15]1 and have all the power in government, business and religion
for *checks watch* all of recorded history.[16]2 Boo hoo. Sad violins for you.”
But I’m not being sarcastic.
Very earnestly I believe that despite greater access to power and resources,
the box labeled “socially acceptable ways to be a man” is much smaller than the
box labeled “socially acceptable ways to be a woman.”
[17]
[https]
The masculine is at the top of the power hierarchy, but their behavior is more
limited.
Men’s behavior is limited to the masculine, but women have access to both
masculine and feminine behavior.
[18]
[https]
[19]
[https]
Women are not allowed to LOOK masculine, but they are often rewarded for ACTING
masculine- being strong and assertive, being one of the guys, favoring music,
books and media by men, ridiculing girly things, etc.
I’m going to paint with broad strokes here with obvious exceptions, but in
generalized terms of social acceptability:
• Women can be strong, but men can’t be weak.
• Women can wear blue, but men can’t wear pink.
• Girls can have boy names, but boys can’t have girl names.
• Women can be executives, but men can’t be homemakers.
• Girls can play basketball, but boys can’t do ballet.
• Women read books by men, but men don’t read books by women.
• Little girls can play with trucks and dinosaurs, but little boys can’t play
with dolls.
• Women can lift weights, but men don’t do pilates.
• Women can like action movies, but men can’t like chick flicks.
• Women can act tough and assertive, but men can’t act soft and submissive.
[20]
Strong Girl GIFs | Tenor
Women have access to the whole range of human behavior; men only have access to
the masculine.[21]3
(And yes, [22]blurring the gender binary makes everything better for everyone.)
Why is this?
Do you have a guess? I’ll give you a clue. Starts with a p. Rhymes with
schmatriarchy.
It is because with live in a system that values and rewards all things man.
Men have more power, but are more limited in how they can act.
Speaking on this predicament of [24]patriarchy harming men,
[25]Lane Anderson
recently quoted researcher Michael Kimmel who said,
“Men are in power as a group but do not feel power as individuals.. Men
were raised to believe themselves entitled to feel that power, but do not
feel it. No wonder men are frustrated and angry...
Failure to embody the rules of manhood is a source of men's confusion and
pain... it is unrealizable for any man. But we keep trying, vainly, to
measure up. American masculinity is a relentless test."
Thomas Page McBee speaks to this juxtaposition of men having more power but
less connection in his book [26]Amateur.
Thomas is a trans man. Since transitioning he has noticed that when he speaks,
everyone is quiet. No one interrupts him anymore. He says, “It was wonderful
and weird. Until I was a man, I had no idea how good men have it at work.”
[27]
amateur.jpg
But there are downsides. A year after his transition Thomas lost his mother. He
didn’t realize how much he needed human touch until it disappeared from his
life. No one hugged him anymore. He could go months without anyone touching
him. This was a foreign experience to Thomas.
He says he has become hyper aware of both how acceptable his anger is, and how
unacceptable his sadness is. The people in his life- men and women alike- are
visibly uncomfortable when he cries.
He misses the deep friendships that came easily as a woman.
It's hard to make friends when all the ingredients necessary to
friendship--vulnerability, compassion and thoughtfulness-- are seen as a threat
to masculinity.
[28]
Thomas Page McBee by Julie Greicius
Thomas Page Mcbee. [29]source
 Recently
[30]15thCenturyFeminist
interviewed
[31]Jeremy Mohler
about his experience of performing masculinity. Of his teenage years he said,
“I couldn't admit that I wanted to be closer with my friends. That would
mean I was 'soft,' 'girly,' or 'gay.' I had to act stoic, like everything
was fine, even if I was starving for love and connection inside."
Jeremy and Thomas are far from the only men having trouble with connection.
Male loneliness is being called an epidemic. [32]Psychologist Nick Norman
describes the problem in this way:
"Men have often reported having fewer friends and social connections to
rely on, [33]with 15 percent saying they have no close friends at all. Yet,
when surveyed, men often report wanting more fulfilling relationships. What
is keeping men from these connections when it’s such a fundamental need?...
the issue lies in the unspoken rules men are handed in boyhood."
The unspoken rule #1? You are not allowed to act like a girl.
Unfortunately friendships, relationships and human connection require all sorts
of girly things like empathy, showing emotion, being vulnerable and active
listening.
Men report wanting more fulfilling relationships, but they have been barred
from the behaviors that fulfilling relationships require.
“Learning to wear a mask is the first lesson in patriarchal masculinity a boy
learns. He learns that his core feelings cannot be expressed if they do not
conform to the acceptable behaviors sexism defines as male. Asked to give up
the true self in order to realize the patriarchal ideal, boys learn
self-betrayal early and are rewarded for these acts of soul murder.”  - bell
hooks [34]the will to change
If men are in charge like patriarchy says, why are men suffering so much?
Many take the fact that it is difficult to be a man to mean that patriarchy is
not real—
Men are the victims of society, so how could they be the instigators of their
own victimhood? It makes no sense. If men set this system up to favor men,
wouldn’t men be thriving? If patriarchy is real, why are men suffering?
Great question. I’m going to let the brilliant creator and thinker [36]Cyzor
[37]4 cover this one.
He received a message complete with two pages of documentation showing that men
are the real victims (more suicide, more likely to be victims of crime, more
likely to be charged “guilty” in court, etc) so all this whining about
patriarchy is bullshit.
Here is Cyzor’s response:
[38][https]
[39]@cyzorgg[40]Day 12 and the final day of reposting my top. videos of the
year. This is by far both my favorite video and one of the best performing that
I made this year and Im so glad everyone liked it and felt it was helpful and
useful for them in their own lives. In the next year I plan to expand and grow
as a content creator and try tons of new avenues, work with brands, and see
what works for me. but whatever I do, I'll continue to share my thoughts in
hopes they help others! I appreciate you all for the love and support this
year!!
[alert-circ]Tiktok failed to load.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
“Men are more likely to die by homicide. Men are more likely to be victims
of crime. Men are also more likely to COMMIT all of those crimes. 72% of
crimes are done by men. Men are the victims of other men.
Men are discriminated in universities, that are run by men. Men are going
to jail longer in a justice system, that is run by men. Bro. You are mad at
the same structure that women are trying to get rid of.
If you are complaining about court policies, social expectations, crime-
bro - you are complaining about the patriarchy.” - Cyzor
Men suffer under patriarchy because patriarchy is a system set up by a few men
over everyone else- including most men. It is a system that allows for the most
greedy, aggressive and selfish to rise to the top and dominate over everyone
else.
DNA scientists have discovered that 8000 years ago on average [41]only one man
passed on his DNA for every 17 women. Not just in one place, but as a global
average. The majority of men were not procreating. Not because there was a mass
death of males, but because only a few men accumulated wealth, power and women
and withheld resources from the rest.
A small minority of men were allowed to rule and make life worse for everyone
else- men and women alike.
[42]And as we discussed last week with lawns, just because something 1. begins
for no reason and 2. harms everyone does not mean we won’t religiously devote
ourselves to that thing.
[43]
Ancient Egyptian Battles & Wars - Egypt Tours Portal (US)
So manly.
We often hear that patriarchy hurts men too, but how many men actually believe
this?
All too often, once the p word enters the chat, defenses are raised,
conversations are ended.
But Cyzor, no stranger to patriarchy pushback, also helped me to understand why
it is that [44]so many men shut down and become defensive when patriarchy is
brought up when he said,
“I criticize those aspects of masculinity that I don’t think are healthy
for men and if you’ve internalized those aspects of masculinity as being
part of you, it’s going to feel like I am criticizing you.”
Society trains men to put manhood at the very center of their identity. When we
talk about patriarchy, we talk about those things which men have built their
identities and lives around. Of course they are defensive. It feels like an
attack.
But we have to stop conflating patriarchy and men.
Our ability to have really important conversations relies on our ability to
make this distinction.
So often those of us who bring up patriarchy and those who shut it down are on
the same side. We want the same things. We want life to be better for men.
We must make room for the reality that we talk about patriarchy not because we
hate men. We talk about patriarchy because we love men.
We have/are sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, friends. And we see the small
box patriarchy has handed to men.
To #smashthepatriarchy is not to smash men- it is to smash this system that
makes men miserable. Smash the too-small box that is making men lonely and sick
and estranged from the full range of their humanity.
I’ll echo the [45]words of Cyzor to close us out today:
"I want men to succeed. I envision a world where men are allowed to
experience the full range of human emotion, where they are not shamed for
crying or being vulnerable, where they are not shamed if they are not
physically tall or strong or rich… where men can have real emotional
connection to one another, have a real support system with people who lift
them up and help them when they are down, where men aren't under the
impression that masculinity means experiencing the trials of life by
yourself."
Amen.
It IS hard to be a man. It is very hard.
It would be a whole lot easier without patriarchy.
[46]Leave a comment
[47]1
If you’re white
[48]2
If you’re white
[49]3
Yes there is some social stigma and repercussions for women acting masculine
(in the dating pool, at work), but not to the extent of the social punishment
for men acting feminine.
[50]4
[51]Follow him immediately. His videos are so healing.
Matriarchal Blessing is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts
and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
[62][ ]
Subscribe
Thanks for reading Matriarchal Blessing! This post is public so feel free to
share it.
[64]Share
881
Share this post
[66]
[https]
Matriarchal Blessing
Matriarchal Blessing
I'm a feminist and I think it's harder to be a man than a woman.
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
[67]
155
201
[68]
Share
Discussion about this post
CommentsRestacks
[ht]
[ ]
[ ]
[ ]
[ ]
[72]
[ht]
[73]Arturo Mijangos
[74]Sep 15
Liked by Celeste Davis
This is why I continue to champion the dismantling of patriarchy. I will
showcase what accessing feminine traits looks like. I will continue to teach
how patriarchy impacts and limits men. I will continue to support lgbtq+ rights
who exemplify broader expressions of the gender spectrum.
Expand full comment
Reply
Share
[77]12 replies by Celeste Davis and others
[78]
[ht]
[79]Kimberley Healey
[80]Sep 15
Liked by Celeste Davis
Absolutely! Thanks for the tiktok repost - he nails it. When I taught Women's
Lit I brought in a bunch of my male colleagues to explain their experience with
masculinity. Football coach, older teachers, younger ones - we all changed that
day when they started sharing things they had NEVER told anyone. The
loneliness, lack of touch and constant pressure to PROVE they were actually men
were heartbreaking. It does suck to be a woman but I get to just be one, I
don't have to step up and BE a man in the same way that men have to do in the
US. One book that really helped me teach my course was For the Love of Men by
Liz Plank. Very curious to see the comments on this great essay!
Expand full comment
Reply
Share
[83]6 replies by Celeste Davis and others
[84]153 more comments...
TopLatestDiscussions
No posts
Ready for more?
[99][ ]
Subscribe
© 2025 Celeste Davis
[101]Privacy ∙ [102]Terms ∙ [103]Collection notice
[104] Start Writing[105]Get the app
[106]Substack is the home for great culture
Share
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please [108]turn on JavaScript
or unblock scripts
References:
[1] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/
[2] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/
[8] https://substack.com/home/post/p-148892931?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
[9] https://substack.com/@celestemdavis
[10] https://substack.com/@celestemdavis
[12] https://substack.com/home/post/p-148892931?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
[13] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comments
[14] javascript:void(0)
[15] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-1-148892931
[16] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-2-148892931
[17] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F94798dee-78fc-43c9-967d-664b966d85d7_1456x1048.png
[18] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F41c6b879-2f48-4de6-b3e4-500e9915e9d3_1456x1048.png
[19] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F126de46d-8e49-4ca8-85c1-7ae5edbebe01_1456x1048.png
[20] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd9e78a3d-537f-47b1-b9cb-60a6d548367d_220x143.gif
[21] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-3-148892931
[22] https://substack.com/@celestemdavis/p-146095286
[24] https://matriarchyreport.substack.com/p/patriarchy-is-bad-for-men-and-boys
[25] https://open.substack.com/users/1628200-lane-anderson?utm_source=mentions
[26] https://www.thomaspagemcbee.com/amateur
[27] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc7ef7faf-a030-4e37-a271-03b1cd2518d3_300x478.jpeg
[28] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F29bf2530-4eff-49c7-8c55-6d3dc2151c67_3008x2000.jpeg
[29] https://midnightbreakfast.com/thomas-page-mcbee
[30] https://open.substack.com/users/129144801-15thcenturyfeminist?utm_source=mentions
[31] https://open.substack.com/users/3962129-jeremy-mohler?utm_source=mentions
[32] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mens-mental-health-matters/202301/why-men-are-lonelier-than-ever
[33] https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/
[34] https://www.secondsale.com/p/the-will-to-change-men-masculinity-and-love/622949?ean13=9780743456081&id_product_attribute=58734820&campaignid=21540511568&adgroupid=&keyword=&device=c&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw6JS3BhBAEiwAO9waF9yLlP1Epl1Fd8T6ro4IQPtiay3SjgeYx_BK8R1ydqPJ2klvbg5dChoCNYAQAvD_BwE
[36] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg
[37] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-4-148892931
[38] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg/video/7318190925937675562
[39] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg
[40] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg/video/7318190925937675562
[41] http://www.psmag.com/nature-and-technology/17-to-1-reproductive-success
[42] https://substack.com/@celestemdavis/p-148630300
[43] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e3de959-b86a-4c5a-9260-1554fd1b3fee_2048x1400.jpeg
[44] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg/video/7317746877271706922
[45] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg/video/7317746877271706922
[46] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comments
[47] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-anchor-1-148892931
[48] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-anchor-2-148892931
[49] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-anchor-3-148892931
[50] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man#footnote-anchor-4-148892931
[51] https://www.tiktok.com/@cyzorgg
[64] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share
[66] https://substack.com/home/post/p-148892931?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
[67] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comments
[68] javascript:void(0)
[72] https://substack.com/profile/165554130-arturo-mijangos?utm_source=comment
[73] https://substack.com/profile/165554130-arturo-mijangos?utm_source=substack-feed-item
[74] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comment/69084607
[77] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comment/69084607
[78] https://substack.com/profile/6902565-kimberley-healey?utm_source=comment
[79] https://substack.com/profile/6902565-kimberley-healey?utm_source=substack-feed-item
[80] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comment/69082532
[83] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comment/69082532
[84] https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/hard-to-be-a-man/comments
[101] https://substack.com/privacy
[102] https://substack.com/tos
[103] https://substack.com/ccpa#personal-data-collected
[104] https://substack.com/signup?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_content=footer
[105] https://substack.com/app/app-store-redirect?utm_campaign=app-marketing&utm_content=web-footer-button
[106] https://substack.com/
[108] https://enable-javascript.com/