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Blog

8/10/2024 2:10:16 AM

A Diminishing Portfolio of Enthusiasms

John P. Weiss / [28]14 Comments
Topics: [29]Aging | [30]death | [31]Encouragement | [32]Hope | [33]inspiration 
| [34]Introspection | [35]Jim Harrison | [36]Life | [37]Life lessons | [38]
Wisdom | [39]Thomas McGuane 

Everyone disburses

[47118_5740]

Selfie of me and my mother

My mother’s room was on the third floor at Sunrise Senior Living.

The third floor is the memory care unit because everyone living there has some
form of dementia, except for my mother. Her body was shriveled up and mostly
frozen from late-stage Parkinson’s disease, but her mind was sharp. 

When we first moved to Nevada and I was choosing an assisted living community
for my mother, Sunrise Senior Living stood out as the most beautiful and
professional. But they only had two rooms available—one on the second floor,
and one on the third floor. 

My wife, a hospice nurse, recommended we select the third-floor unit.

“But that’s the memory care unit. Everyone there has dementia or some form of
memory loss,” I told my wife.

“I know, but that means the staff-to-patient ratio will be higher. And since
she can’t walk or leave her room, she’ll see the staff more. You know how
social your Mom is,” my wife said.

My wife is brilliant.

We chose the third-floor room, and sure enough, Mom loved it. There were views
of the mountains outside her bedroom window, and the staff loved visiting with
her because she was outgoing and of sound mind.

I frequently visited Mom and brought her cupcakes, snacks, and new books to
read. And when she could no longer hold books, I hired a woman to come and read
to her. But then she and the woman became good friends and often spent an hour
chatting, which was fine with me. 

All I wanted was for my mother to be comfortable and happy.

We’re both still here, for now

In the last year of my mother’s life, she loved to reminisce and talk about the
past. 

Sometimes it’s unhealthy to wallow in the past or romanticize days gone by with
rosy retrospection. You can get stuck there, and forget how to live in the
present. But when your life is reduced to a bed and four walls, sometimes the
past is all you can escape into. 

Mom would tell me about the old haunts in Long Island where she grew up and
used to play at the beach. I’d bring my iPad during our visits, look up those
old places, and show Mom photos and videos. This delighted Mom, and soon we
were looking up her old friends, “to see if they’re still alive,” Mom would say
with a laugh. 

We found one of her childhood friends, Elsie, and even located a phone number.
We called, and amazingly, Elsie answered. 

For the next thirty minutes or so, Mom and Elsie traversed the landscape of
their early days and all the fun they had in the sun and surf of Long Island,
New York. As they spoke, I envisioned the sunny skies and seagulls flying over
them. I heard the surf crashing on the beach not far from their blanket on the
sand where their picnic lunch included sandwiches, sodas, and laughter.

Eventually, my Mom and Elsie said their goodbyes. 

After the phone call, Mom became a bit quiet and reflective. Then she looked at
me and said, “You don’t know how wonderful those years are until they’re gone.
Most everyone disappears.”

“Well, we found Elsie. She’s still here,” I said. 

Mom nodded in agreement, looked out the window, and said, “We’re both still
here, for now.”

Freshen up your feelings about being alive

On the shelves in my home library are several books by the late author [40]Jim
Harrison, perhaps best known for his novella, [41]“Legends of the Fall,” which
became a movie starring Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt. 

Harrison was a friend of the late painter [42]Russell Chatham, whose beautiful
tonalist paintings adorn the covers of many Harrison novels. Harrison and
Chatham appeared once in an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s popular television
series, “Parts Unknown.” 

In the episode, the three talked about food and life, as they enjoyed an
amazing home-cooked meal and loads of wine. Sadly, Harrison died not long after
that episode. 

On his [43]website, Bourdain wrote the following about Jim Harrison: 

    “Shortly after the filming of this episode, Jim passed away, only a few
    months after the death of his beloved wife of many years, Linda. It is very
    likely that this is the last footage taken of him. To the very end, he ate
    like a champion, smoked like a chimney, lusted (at least in his heart)
    after nearly every woman he saw, drank wine in quantities that would be
    considered injudicious in a man half his age, and most importantly, got up
    and wrote each and every day—brilliant, incisive, thrilling sentences and
    verses that will live forever. He died, I am told, with pen in hand.”

Recently, a thoughtful reader of my work sent me an email with a link to a
documentary titled, “All That Is Sacred.” [44]IMDb.com described the film as
follows: 

    “In the late 1960s, poets, writers, and musicians descend upon Key West to
    pursue their love of literature and fishing (and cocaine and acid). Tom
    McGuane is soon joined by friends Jim Harrison, Richard Brautigan, Russell
    Chatham, and Jimmy Buffett. They create some of their generation’s best
    art.”

Watch the documentary trailer below.

It’s a wonderful documentary with interviews and film footage from long ago
when all these writers and artists were young, full of life and promise. But we
also see a few of them, the ones still alive, wistfully reflecting on those
earlier days of fun and friendship.

And then the film shares the following quote from Jim Harrison: 

    “We go through life with a diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms.” 

Harrison goes on to say that we must seek, “jolts of enormous electricity,” to 
“freshen up your feelings about being alive.” 

In other words, don’t melt into your couch and stop living. Don’t give up on
life just because your portfolio of enthusiasms has diminished. There are
always ways to squeeze more out of life, even if you’re old and less able to do
the things you used to. 

We have to make the special moments count.

The astonishing thing about growing old is that everyone disburses

My mother never let Parkinson’s disease or her contorted body stand in the way
of enjoying a great conversation or buttercream cupcakes and cheesecake.

[1]Mom and her desserts. Photo:[45] John P. Weiss

Mom kept up on the news, enjoyed discussing politics and books, and often
dispensed life lessons and advice for the young assisted living staff members
who came to her to share boyfriend problems or other worries.

No doubt, Mom probably confronted her own diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms,
but she always had the capacity to bounce back. She made new friends, even
though so many of her old friends were disappearing.

In the “All That Is Sacred” documentary, writer Thomas McGuane says the
following: 

    “The astonishing thing about growing old is that everyone disburses.” 

Sadly, I have found this to be true. 

Retirement and aging mean that people often move. Some pass away. Others lose
touch because their lives have changed, and new priorities emerge, like
grandkids, doctor appointments, and such.

What do we do when confronted with this diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms
and everyone disburses? 

We follow Jim Harrison’s lead. We make new friends. We enjoy good food and
drink. We celebrate the great outdoors. We continue loving those close to us,
including our animal companions. 

And most importantly, we continue to embrace our creative passions. To the best
of our ability. 

Jim Harrison, despite his aging and decrepit body, got up every day to write by
hand. On his last day, before a heart attack ushered him beyond the veil, he
was seated at his writing desk with pen in hand composing a poem.

Now that’s the way to go out.

 

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  • [49]Life Is So Terrible and Beautiful at the Same Time
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Comments

14 Responses to A Diminishing Portfolio of Enthusiasms

[57][20]

my mom working on a piece of art a week before she passed at 93::

[58]https://vimeo.com/509576413/0d86416709?share=copy

Posted by [59]Walter Paul Bebirian · via [60]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[61][73]

Just beautiful. I read your writing every Saturday. I look forward to it! I
love when you write about your Mother!

Posted by [62]Frankie Jackson · via [63]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[64][46]

I know I have said it before ... "This is one of the best you have written!" I
shared it to my FB page because I believe in all that you have written here...
having lost my Mom three years ago, and Dad three years before that. These
things you mention are extremely important... life is so worth living!

Posted by [65]Marsha Hamby Savage · via [66]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[67][b0]

John - you write beautifully, and I thank you for sharing your talent with us.
This essay contains important lessons to help us maneuver life's ups and downs.

Posted by [68]Donna Skeels Cygan · via [69]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[70][af]

Great piece, John. My mom turns 90 in September and I'm planning a surprise
party with her remaining friends and family (don't tell her!). She had six
sisters and three brothers. Only four remain and she's the oldest still living.
In sending out the invites, I was aware of the people who have "dispersed". Mom
is still sharp and we speak regularly. I greatly enjoy when she tells stories
of her life and have tried to record some of them. I'm sentimental like her and
know that in years to come, I will be playing them back. But for now, I just
want to appreciate her today.

Posted by Jim Edmonds · via [71]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[72][8d]

I can't help it, I always smile when I see a picture of your mom. How precious
she is all dressed up with her hair coifed, her pearls, and always a smile. She
reminds me so much of my mom. I think they would have been great friends. The
city girl from Long Island, and the farm girl from Washington would have shared
stories of life and love spending the afternoon lounging over their favorite
desert and a cup of coffee!

Posted by [73]Ron · via [74]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[75][15]

What a beautiful essay, particularly your lovely and loving writing about your
mom! I read a book a while back , Live Life in Crescendo, I believe the title
was, that embraced this essay's main point - even as you age, keep discovering
and contributing. Thank you John, for this insightful writing today.

Posted by Shirley · via [76]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[77][av]

This one really hit the mark today! I forgot how much change and adventure is
needed so I don't become so sedentary! I can keep my mind busy most days but
occasionally a person needs the extraordinary to feel that enthusiasm of life
as time goes on day to day.

Posted by julie · via [78]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[79][4f]

What a wonderful way to be ushered into your meaningful and poetic stories.
Recently, life has been keeping me too busy for much of anything beyond the
necessaries. Thank you for the fresh breath

Posted by Ruby Boddie · via [80]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[81][bf]

I really think life is more enjoyable if lived fully! I loved the message of
this article! It's not only up to me, but in my power, to make the most of my
life, and how I approach living is how I will experience life. I am a product
of my own viewpoints. But I would like to make a comment about admiring Jim
Harrison. Yes, his natural talent and serious devotion to writing gained him a
large audience, but I want to challenge admiration of his lifestyle. As someone
who has lived a lifestyle of rapacious unrestrained lascivious abandon, and as
someone who has also experienced the greatest sort of adventure, fulfillment,
and accomplishment practicing a different sort of lifestyle guided by diligent,
clean, and healthy, nourishing and enriched abundance, I would like to assert
that to admire his behavior is misguided. He may have been a great and
accomplished writer, but to what higher planes and novel achievements may he
have reached if he cared for his mind and body? Such a great potential as
Harrison possessed was surely sadly less than the lofty or ground-breaking
writing he would have produced if he took good care of himself? I will soften
this remark by saying that it is each person's responsibility to make decisions
about who they are, and for all I know, he has lived the most glorious
existence of any person ever, but I can't fail to speak up for the lessons
learned from my own life

Posted by Leslie Elizabeth Taylor · via [82]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[83][3e]

Jim was part of a circle of movie people I mingled with, as was Sam Shepherd
and Buck Henry, among others. . He had an aura of melancholy.. Gentle, deeply
kind, an empathic listener he was often quiet in the middle of groups. His
personality seemed deeply rooted in the Northern Woods. I loved the simplicity
of his books. They were bare boned and raw. Ruthlessly carved down to the
sacred heart of the characters and their stories. I especially loved Legends of
the Fall. He drank his whiskey with one ice cube and leaned in while talking to
a friend.

Posted by Sam Crespi · via [84]johnpweiss.com · 2 days ago
[85][45]

Love this! It is entirely possible to live well in old age, even with a
"diminishing portfolio of enthusiasms." Attitude is everything. My mother
taught me by example, and I am practicing now. Greet each day with gratitude
and look for its gifts. Don't focus on what you've lost; relish what you still
have. Notice people. Engage. And by all means, eat dessert and keep writing!

Posted by [86]Aileen Gronewold · via [87]johnpweiss.com · 1 day ago
[88][4d]

I look to your Saturday letters every week. They inspire me to live life better
and notice the important things around me. I also love your cartoons. Please
keep adding them!

Posted by Betty · via [89]johnpweiss.com · 12 hours ago
[90][2d]

I love this piece and your writing in general. I have stockpiled several of
your letters so that I may enjoy them slowly and in depth. I purchased your
first book and am looking forward to the release of The Morning Fox soon.

Posted by [91]Meg Volk · via [92]johnpweiss.com · 2 hours ago
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