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Blackbird Spyplane
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This life gives you nothing
Your attention is all you have. Wasting it is annihilating. Blackbird Spyplane
saves literacy in a monumental Year-End Essay.
Dec 16, 2025
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1 — All is full of Screen
A disconcerting question strikes me alarmingly often these days. Ill be out in
the world, and Ill see something … lets call it picturesque. Say Im walking
along a nature trail as a white wall of fog avalanches over a ridge, down a
canyon of pine and oak, toward the blue waters of the Bay. I will find myself
thinking, “My god, that is beautiful.” And then — even if I manage to keep my
phone in my pocket, resisting whats become a powerful instinct to reach for it
— I will feel a strange tremor of uncertainty: “Am I looking at a screen right
now?” I wonder.
In the moment, this uncertainty is not fully articulated, nor, thankfully, does
it emerge from some extreme delusional state where Ive lost my hold on
reality. Its more of a pre-cognitive kind of category confusion. And at the
core of the confusion is this: As my life has come to consist so
overwhelmingly, and for so many years, of looking at images on screens — and of
looking at the world through a camera, which is also a phone, which is also a
screen — the distinction for me between the screen and the non-screen can
wobble.
I still know the difference intellectually. But I dont always necessarily feel
it. That is the disconcerting part. I stare at the hillside, try to pick out
individual details and weave them into a living, breathing totality that also
includes the cool air on my skin and the birdsong in my ears. As I do this, I
tell myself, “This is a real place, this is not an image of a place,” and I
repeat that a few times, trying to will back the border dividing the two.
[33]
[https]
Heres how I make sense of this wobble between world and image.
For a time, when I was much more active on Twitter than I am now, Id find
myself, e.g., washing dishes and, without wanting to, thinking about various
mundane things in the form of tweets. Some nascent half-kernel of an idea would
come to me and, like a hack comedian for whom every banal thing is material, I
would immediately start working it over for any and all tweet-like potential.
Maybe there was a tiny bit of dish soap left at the bottom of the bottle, and I
considered diluting it with water to get it out more easily, and make the
bottle last longer. I wouldnt simply think that. Thanks to Twitter, Id think
something exponentially more inane and annoying, such as, “The masculine urge
to water down the dish soap…” or “The two genders [picture of brand-new dish
soap vs. picture of old diluted dish soap]…” or “Choose your fighter [same two
pictures again]…” or “Wake up babe, new diluted dish soap just dropped,” or
“Men will dilute the last millimeter of dish soap rather than go to therapy…”
or “No but the way I just diluted the dish soap…”
And so on. Just cycling through a procession of dumb, Twitter-borne
phraseologies as they ran through my head, like a radio on the fritz skipping
stations. It was a bit like I was idly playing a “brain teaser” puzzle, and a
bit like my brains were oozing out of my ears. Id spent so many hours of so
many days reading tweets — encountering other peoples thoughts filtered
through the specific character limits and idiomatic conventions of that site —
that the seams between my own experiences, thoughts, and tweets began, on some
level, to delaminate.
I worry that something analogous has happened in my relationship to looking.
The same way that an idea would occur to me and Id immediately reach for a
Stock Twitter Phrase to give it form, whenever I see anything that interests me
now, theres a looming sense in which my phone is there with me, framing and
constituting the sight, even if I never post the picture, even if I never look
at it again and, weirdest of all, even if dont take out my phone.
The same way I once conditioned myself to think in tweets, Ive conditioned
myself to see in “posts,” in “grid pics,” in “stories,” in flicks texted to the
group chat, in .HEICs, and so on.
This is the underside of what people mean when they describe an extremely
“sticky” piece of technology: It can stick to you, like the facehugger from
Alien, even when youre not using it.
[36]
[https]
How to get yourself unstuck?
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2 — Your attention is all you have
One afternoon this fall I found myself “thinking in Instagram reels.”
I had an idea for a video I wanted to make for the Spyplane IG, which I hoped
people would find funny. The premise isnt worth describing except to say it
involved me reading from some book broadly coded as “smart,” as a prop. I
scanned our shelves for something that fit the bill, until my eye landed on
Swanns Way.
I dont know how Erin and I came to own this copy, but weve had it for ages.
Id never read it, nor had she. That didnt matter: This was a perfect “smart
book” for the video I wanted to spend the next ~hour improvising, shooting and
editing. I pulled the novel down and started searching for a passage that
sounded appropriately “high-flown.”
And it was at this point that I enjoyed two unexpected, interconnected
revelations. The first was that the opening pages of Swanns Way are beautiful
and captivatingly trippy. The second was that I did not want to die, whenever
that day comes, having made an IG reel with a throwaway punchline about Proust,
but not having actually read any Proust.
Theres a lot of talk these days about the death of literacy. No one reads,
videos eating everything, weve grown stupid, and our alienation from written
language is only making us stupider.
For me, this isnt distant, theoretical hand-wringing. I feel it firsthand, in
the erosion of my own ability to concentrate on a piece of writing of any
significant seriousness and length.
I am, of course, not alone in this. Our attention has been transformed into one
of the few remaining reliable “growth markets” by a parasite economy much
better suited to sucking and siphoning than it is to building new things. This
means that everything wants to get into our eyeballs, and it goes without
saying that there are far more effective technologies for getting in peoples
eyeballs — and turning a profit there — than books.
But your attention is, on a foundational level, all you have. This is why it
feels worse than bad to waste it. It feels annihilating.
And so I decided not to make an IG reel, and instead, to finally read Swanns
Way.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
3 — Magical mornings with the anti-phone
Every morning for ~6 weeks, from late September to early November, I got out of
bed early, put on some coffee, and sat with Proust for an hour or so in the
quiet of predawn.
I moved slowly. The sentences in Swanns Way are long, at times comically so:
stuffed with asides, nested clauses, digressions, and spiraling detours into
metaphor. There might be all of three sentences on a given page, and it was not
uncommon for me to make it through just 10 pages in the course of that predawn
hour.
This was fine with me, because the point wasnt to burn through the book at
1.5x speed. The point was to sink into it, to stretch out, and along the way,
to remind myself that Im an adult and my attention is my own.
In that light, Proust was perfect for the job. Swanns Way requires total
concentration. If your mind wanders 1/6th of the way through a sentence, you
will lose your bearings, and the sentence will spit you out. And yet the book
isnt punishing or difficult in the way of Ulysses or Derrida. It just moves at
its own speed, and if you decelerate, and lock in, its a delight.
The story takes place in the 19th century, and unfolds at the speed of carriage
rides, long walks through the countryside, and letters dispatched across Paris.
There is no immediacy in it, or at least much less than were used to. There is
a plot, but the book is less about that than about trying to render the
experience of being alive in language as vividly, granularly, abundantly,
comprehensively and encompassingly as possible.
Theres an extravagance of words, devoted to capturing interior and external
life in detail, whether its the way a shaft of sunshine looks as it passes
through the windows of a provincial church and lands on a patch of stone, or
the foolish, contradictory behavior of a man who grows infatuated with a woman
he does not seem to love, and who does not seem to love him, either. (I read
[39]this translation.)
[40]
[https]
To actually read Swanns Way, it was necessary that I start the day with it,
and that I didnt look at my phone first under any circumstances. Getting in
some scrolling beforehand would have been like waking up before sunrise,
driving to the gym, and then saying, “Ill just eat this box of donut holes
before I get on the treadmill.” Nothing doing. On the few days when I made this
mistake — thinking, against my better judgment, Ill just check the weather
real quick — the spell was broken, I was still on the phone 40 minutes later,
and my concentration was shot. I couldnt get any traction when I tried to
switch over to the novel, if I managed to pick it up at all.
Despite the gym metaphor, I dont want to instrumentalize reading into
something you should do for “gains.” You need absolutely no reason to immerse
yourself in a great book beyond the vast intrinsic pleasure of doing so.
But in my case I was reading Swanns Way not only for that pleasure, but also
because phones have trained my brain to work in a way I dont like, and I
wanted to re-train myself: To rebuild my capacity for sustained attention like
a muscle, to diminish the desire to scroll, to reclaim time spent within
myself, uncoerced, undistracted, imagining and creating, in the particular way
that only happens when youre reading.
[43]
[https]
This hour of predawn Swann time became a ritual I depended on and eagerly
looked forward to. You can analogize it to runners high, you can analogize it
to core strength, but at the end of the hour, I came away with something more
than just my normal nagging feelings of dissatisfaction with the way the
internet organizes our thoughts. Id done a set of Proust reps to failure —
something actively pleasing, and actively fortifying, that would be with me for
the rest of the day.
Blackbird Spyplane is a subscriber-powered, spon-free independent miracle.
Upgrade to our Classified Tier today, support greatness, and enjoy a better
life instantly in the inner sanctum — Jonah & Erin
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4 — The good in flicking up everything
Why do we pull out our phones at concerts instead of just watching the show?
Why do we pull them out at the beach instead of just watching the sunset?
I dont think its because weve become automatons. I think the widespread
impulse to take a photo of everything is in fact, at root, a creative one. It
reflects a desire to not just receive life passively, but to intervene in it
creatively: To frame the shot, to find the most compelling angle, to draw out
the emotion, to honor the light… to participate.
The problem is that the cameraphone, connected as it is to our online lives,
doesnt just serve the creative impulse and stop there. It risks cannibalizing
that impulse, co-opting it, colonizing it, and ultimately thwarting it. Because
the cameraphone allows us so readily to stop noticing the thing were
photographing, and instead to outsource our experience of experiencing to the
phone, much like weve outsourced our sense of direction to Google Maps.
Whats more, when you start shooting video at the concert, your experience of
watching [58]Spyfriend Cameron Winter perform in real time is captured and
subordinated by your desire to commemorate that experience for some vaguely
imagined Future You, and/or to post the footage for the benefit of some vaguely
imagined Impressed Other People.
This ultimately makes you more absent, and less present, to your life. And yet,
again, I suspect that trying to rack up faves on a pic stems from something
wonderful, which is our communal urge to share our experiences with other
people: Are you guys seeing this sunset??
Our appetite for life is so big that living just one life doesnt always feel
like enough. We want to know what other peoples lives are like, and we want
other people to live some of our lives, too.
[59]
[https]
A book is, we know, an unrivaled technology for living more life.
The contemporary internet-abetted image, on the other hand, is a highly potent
yet f--ked-up technology for living more life. It comes with all kinds of
strings attached, and it has a way of leaving us feeling lonely, lacking,
unsatisfied, and jittery.
This is not thanks to creeping moral rot on our parts. Quite the contrary, its
because these feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction serve the twisted
prerogatives of the people who design and make money from the technology
sucking up our attention.
And those are not the prerogatives of people who write great books.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
5 — The remedy
When I felt my thoughts morphing into tweets, the remedy was to spend less time
on Twitter. The remedy for seeing everything as a digital image of itself is,
similarly, to see less screen.
Avoiding screen is harder to do than avoiding a single app, but there are ways.
Early one morning in early November, I finished Swanns Way. I sat there in its
afterglow for a while, looking out a window. I was at a house on the Sonoma
coast, where the sunrise was pushing through the fog, which itself pushed
through a stand of redwoods. I didnt need to assure myself that this sight was
real and not a screen. The book had left me in a state similar to one Ive
enjoyed on psychedelics: my attention felt focused, even as my mind was free to
wander.
It felt good to sit there and let thoughts blossom slowly, and instead of
taking a picture of the redwoods, the way Id normally do, I wrote down what I
saw as I looked at them: the drops of water clustered in the boughs, the
particles that drifted past in dense enough concentration that they counted as
“fog” but were also perceptible as individual instances of moisture. Grains of
sand, and also the beach, at once.
Then I took a picture, which, when I consult it now, looks dramatically
different from what I saw, and from what I remember.
[62]
[https]
Every morning since then, Ive continued the ritual of waking up early and
devoting an hour or so to reading before the day begins — and, very
importantly, before looking at any screens.
I moved on from Proust to Karl Ove Knausgaards famous My Struggle novels,
which Ive been meaning to read for more than a decade, and which felt like a
good segue for a few reasons. Knausgaard is overwhelmingly concerned with
memory, and he applies an abundance of language to capturing quotidian
experience and expansive insights alike.
In the second book of the series, set in the mid-2000s, theres a passage where
he writes about settling into the sofa with his wife to watch a DVD. His real
subject is attention:
…we wanted to be entertained. And it had to be with as little effort and
inconvenience as possible. It was the same with everything. I hardly read
books anymore; if there was a newspaper around I would prefer to read that.
And the threshold just kept rising. It was idiotic because this life gave
you nothing, it only made time pass. If we saw a good film it stirred us
and set things in motion, for that is how it is, the world is always the
same, it is the way we view it that changes.
Twenty years later, things are the same, but more so. The threshold just keeps
rising. And it is worse than idiotic, because not only does this life gives you
nothing, not only does it make time pass — it steals life from you.
In his books, Knausgaard often finds himself among other people, wishing he was
alone. Proust, for his part, was a severely asthmatic child, this left him
frail into adulthood, and by the time he wrote Swanns Way hed largely
withdrawn from society, sticking to his rooms and writing. This isolation may
have been maddening and painful — you need to spend time chopping it up with
the f--king homies to thrive. But it also cleared the field for his imagination
to flower, for him to dig into himself, open himself up and, in so doing, to
push outward. In other words, by writing, he broke confinement.
Today we are all of us lonelier, and more alone, than ever. But were never
alone, either, because our attention is hijacked, our time feels crunched, and
our cells travel with us everywhere we go, padded with layer upon layer of
endless, overlapping digital distractions. The Goon Cave is becoming lifes
organizing principle.
And yet I know we still have more time on our hands than we realize: our phones
take lots of it from us, yes, but theres lots of time we surrender to our
phones, too. Weve grown accustomed to filling our time with scrolling because
scrolling is diabolically easy. We can find ways to engineer away some of that
scrolling, however, and replace it with things that do not merely distract us
but speak far more resonantly to the questions were trying to ask when we
start scrolling in the first place.
When we do this, we dont just find ourselves with more time on our hands, but
with more life on our hands, too. Because we set things back in motion. The
world remains the same, but the way we see it changes.
P🌅E🌅A🌅C🌅E until next time,
Jonah & Erin
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[85]
Marcy Thompson's avatar
[86]Marcy Thompson
[87]Dec 16
A couple of days ago, I sang Handel's Messiah with a local church choir. I'm
not religious, but I am a former chorus nerd; it had become part of my past,
and I missed it. So, for a few weeks I rehearsed with the choir, learned the
part, and refamiliarized myself with what it means to sing with a group. The
concert on Sunday was glorious: a room full of human beings singing, playing
gorgeous instruments, responding to each other synchronously in a collective
effort to bring to life something that was written almost 300 years ago. It was
a thrill. Later, I realized I hadn't taken a single photo of my time with the
choir, I had no recording of the event. And, although I was initially saddened
by that, I realized that -- instead -- I actually had the music I had sung at
the concert playing in my ears. A most beautiful kind of reminder.
Here's to having more life on our hands.
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[89]1 reply by Blackbird Spyplane
[90]
shonni's avatar
[91]shonni
[92]Dec 16
Hey Jonah, thanks for this truly great piece. Im the chair of the English
Department at Fordham and a longtime BBSP subscriber (and have actually taught
BBSP pieces to students for a few years now in a course on fashion and
literature). We actually just revised our vision for our department to center
“the arts of attention: reading, writing, conversation.” Would it be possible
for me to share this piece with our English majors? Appreciate the
consideration.
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[2] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/
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[26] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/the-blackbird-spyplane-interview
[27] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/the-35-slappiest-clothing-shops
[28] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/2025-blackbird-spyplane-gifts-list-gratitude-edition
[29] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/the-year-jackets-rocked-again
[30] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!3pkc!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F99573365-8f85-498c-85f5-fd3d3a689296_1208x493.png
[33] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Blep!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F820d5f12-c70c-49c9-9a74-c01053e244c6_232x412.gif
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[39] https://bookshop.org/a/32497/9780375751547
[40] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!2hex!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec4f87df-ed2c-4e01-bced-198cd44b595f_2000x2596.png
[43] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!necs!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5fdc0f8d-adc1-489e-a0e8-c36dc3ff6501_1208x529.png
[58] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/cameron-winter-interview-geese-the-urge-to-respond
[59] https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ItcB!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F215f56da-54d2-4173-8a40-367270729441_1208x493.png
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[77] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comments
[85] https://substack.com/profile/2725960-marcy-thompson?utm_source=comment
[86] https://substack.com/profile/2725960-marcy-thompson?utm_source=substack-feed-item
[87] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comment/188413875
[89] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comment/188413875
[90] https://substack.com/profile/802405-shonni?utm_source=comment
[91] https://substack.com/profile/802405-shonni?utm_source=substack-feed-item
[92] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comment/188414352
[94] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comment/188414352
[95] https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/p/this-life-gives-you-nothing/comments
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